Once A Crow (Improved)
by Dareia
Summary: Jo's left Charming a decade ago, left everything behind, the gangs, her family, the love of her life. Once life takes a turn and forces her back into the dusty town, she's stuck between her new life and the old reality that pulls her back ruthelessly. The improved version of the already published story with the same title.
1. Chapter 1

**Hi Everyone! I decided to rewrite the 'Once A Crow' story. It's one of my favourite (despite of the terrible amount of drama I stuffed in there). The story won't change but I hope my style's improved enough through the years to make it more enjoyable for those who are already familiar with the story and for the new comers as well. I plan on weekly updates because I have several other projects. Thank you for reading, and if you take the time to leave a feedback.**

 **Sorry for any typos/mistakes I made.**

 _Some people believe that ravens guide travelers to their destinations. Others believe that the sight of a solitary raven is considered good luck, but a group of ravens predicts trouble ahead. And a raven right before battle promises victory._

Jo held her breath as they passed by the sign "Welcome to Charming". She stared out of the car, her head leant against the window. As she watched the buildings running by, old memories popped up on her mind, one by one. Nothing had changed since she'd left 10 years ago. The air was still humid like a wet towel was dropped over the entire town. She recognized nearly every person who walked down the mainroad, the only busy part of the place. Alan still didn't changed the broken sign over the grocery. The barbershop was yet to repair the shattered bottom glass in the door despite of the decade that passed since it'd been ruined. All of it was was the same, like time stopped in Charming, California, frozen everyone and everything into this strange snowball that was filled with sand instead of snow.

"Are you alright, honey?" Her fiance, Peter glanced at her from the corner of his eyes. His voice was filled with worry and caring, likely concerned that the trip to her hometown did more damage than good for her. However, Jo barely noticed any of that, barely even heard what he said as they passed the Teller-Morrow garage. She gulped, her heart jumped into her throat and her palm started sweating as she gazed at the old garage full of motorcycles.

"Joanie, babe." Peter nudged her knee lightly to get her attention and she shook herself mentally. This is not you anymore, not your life, you're only here for a couple of days, she repeated for herself for the hundreds of times since they'd started out.

"Sorry, just spaced out a little." Jo forced a smile on her face in hope to soothe her fiance. Her hand found Peter's and she squeezed it reassuringly. "Go straight, it isn't far."

10 years ago Joana Jameson had sworn to herself that she'd never come back, no matter what. She'd left everything behind; the gangs, her junkie mom, her best friend and love, her family. It'd been the best option after she'd been hurt as never in her life before by the man she'd loved more than anyone in her entire life. She'd known if she'd stayed, she could not change the old patterns, she'd have fallen back into the same routine that had always led to the same result.

The decision must have been made. There'd been no option but to cut all ties or else she'd have never been able to start a new life. Jo'd done a year in an ambulance car, needed the rush, the adrenalin, her life had altered way too much for her to give up everything at once. Later when she'd had enough spared money to get a student loan, she'd started law school and graduated successfully. She'd started a whole new life, and that new life showed simply no resemblance to the old one anymore. She'd become a new person; someone who was measured, polite, well behaved, someone who no one could tell about they were raised by a motorbike gang.

Last week she'd gotten a letter that her mother died and left the house for her. The passing of her mother had only been a surprise timing wise. Jo'd expected it to happen way sooner. She'd assumed before the letter that it had already happened just no one'd cared to tell her. Once she'd read the words, she'd spent an hour just staring in front of herself, not knowing what to do. Peter got no idea what kind of life she'd lived. He only knew Joanie, the kind, reserved woman who could be a bulldog in work but in personal life was a true comformist. At the beginning of their relationship he'd tried to ask about her background, simple questions like where she'd been from, about her family, childhood but Jo'd refused to talk about any of it. There were too many painful memories, too many secrets buried, things not only she didn't want to talk about but also didn't want to think of. Peter respected her decision and stopped asking about her past after a while what she was grateful of.

When she'd told him what had happened, he'd convinced her to go to Charming. His reasoning had been solid, and Jo'd had to admit he'd been right. She had to face her past otherwise she would never be able to move on. Jo'd agreed to go even if she got a sick feeling in her stomach with every

"That's it." Jo sighed and pointed at a rundown house. The car slowed down then stopped and she stepped out delibrately. She moved her gaze over the house, the light wind blew her long light brown hair into her face. The building as everything else was just like she remembered, maybe a little more ragged than the last time she saw it but the atmosphere of it was all the same, the feeling of abandonment.

"So this is where you grew up." Peter gazed at the house with a frown as he got out of the car, too. Surely, it could be a strange sight for him to see something so neglected, poisoned looking like a home of junkies. Peter came from a rich family, he never had to spare anything. Unlike Jo, he got everything; money, family, the perfect life since the day he'd been born.

"Yeah, more or less." She opted not to mention she'd lived with her godparents after her father had died when she'd been only 14, or that she'd moved to the Clubhouse at 16. The less he knew, the better it was.

Jo shut the car's door and headed toward the house. She lifted up a ceramic turtle at the door, knew with certainity she'd still find the key there. She opened the door, afraid what would be awaiting for her at the otherside, ashamed that Peter might see what a mess her mom was. A sigh of relief lightened the heaviness she felt and she smiled a little when she saw the place was cleaned, probably cleaner than ever before. Everything was in order, and smelled like roses instead of cigarettes, vomit and alcohol. Gemma, she thought to herself, silently thanking her godmother for taking care of everything before she'd arrived.

"Wow, there are a lots of pics here." Peter commented and moved to check the photos on the walls out. Jo looked around suprised to see, he was right, there were pictures on the walls everywhere. When she'd lived in the house there'd been no decoration, let alone pictures of anyone. The walls had been bald completely. Her mother'd had no energy to think of making the house looking like a home between two shots of heroin and Jo'd spent most of her time in her room or as far away from the house as possible. She slowly let her gaze wander over. There were photos of her, the club, her dad and just about everything that belonged to her past, even her turtle.

"You looked fairly different… Your hair was black," Peter noted, his eyes moved from photo to photo. "Why did you dye it?"

"Needed a change." Jo shrugged casually, not wanted to get deeper into the reasons of her total transformation. Because that had been what she'd done. She'd transformed herself into an entirely new person, both inside and out.

Peter stopped in front of a framed photo that hang in the center in the main position. There were a bunch of men on the picture, Jo who was just a little girl, stood between a young man, his arm around her shoulders and an older man. Her long black hair had been blown up by the wind, her eyes laughed as she looked up at the blond guy with such an admiration in her eyes even a blind man couldn't miss it.

"Who is he?" Peter pointed at the picture and Jo turned to him. She felt a tug in her heart as her gaze fell on the photo that got her fiance's attention. She remembered when that photo had been taken like it happened yesterday. It'd been made the last summer when both hers and her best friend's dad had still been alive. She'd been 13 then, the guy next to him, Jackson "Jax" Teller her former best friend, partner in crime, love, everything.

Jax was 4 years older than Jo. Everybody'd known they'd belonged together. They were the "JJs", inseparable. He'd been her knight, maybe a strange one with a rusty armour but after all Charming wasn't the place where anything would be ordinary. The truth was that Jax had always thought about Jo as his sister, his best friend, nothing more. In the end that had caused Jo running as far as she could from Charming. She could not stand being around him anymore with her unrequited love. It'd simply hurt too much.

"What do you think you are doing here?" A firm female voice called from behind them and Jo's mouth curled into a smile.

"Aunt Gemma, I was hoping for a nicer welcome to your long lost goddaughter." She turned to the older woman who wore a suspicious expression.

"Jo?" A frown appeared between her brows as she moved her gaze over the young woman in front of her, surprise coloured her features likely both by her goddaughter being there and her appearance as well.

"No, I'm just her ghost." Jo rolled her eyes with a grin. "Don't you wanna hug me?"

"Oh, honey." Gemma hurried to her and wrapped her arms around Jo.

Gemma Teller Morrow was more Jo's mother than her biological mother'd ever been. She and her second husband, Clay had been the ones who'd taken care of her after her father's death. They and the Club were Jo's real family, the people who cared for her, the people who'd given her food, a shoulder to cry on and everything she'd needed.

"What did you think disappearing for 10 years?" Gemma gave her a look what would scare everybody except Jo who knew there was only concern behind her eyes. When she'd gone away, she'd only left a note behind that told she was alright and asked them not to look for her.

Peter cleared his throat awkwardly, moved next to his fiance, reminded the two women he was in the room as well.

"Oh, sorry." Jo blushed, and rubbed her back, looking slightly uncomfortable. "Ahm, Peter, this is my godmother, Gemma." She motioned between them. "Gemma, this is Peter… my…"

"Her fiance," Peter cut her off, and offered his hand to the older woman with a polite smile on his face. She looked him over and smirked.

"You'd better run before she eats you up alive," Gemma said before she turned back to Jo. "I'll call the ladies and make a party for you," she stated with a pat on her cheek before she started away.

"Aunt…"

"Be there at 8," Gemma ordered before Jo could have a chance to protest.

Jo didn't want to make a big deal out of her homecoming. Actually, the truth was she wanted to keep it as low-key as possible. She wondered what she'd even thought that she'd believed she could be invisible.

"Oh, and Jo..." Gemma turned back from the door. "Change your clothes. You look like a fucking muffin." With that thought she disappeared outside. Jo laughed out and looked over at herself. Surely, in her flower patterned dress and blue high heels she didn't look like the daughter of a SAMCRO member.

"She hates me." Peter said in disbelief with a shake of his head. It certainly not an everyday thing that happened to him that someone didn't like him. He was charming, smooth, could easily find his way around in his own social cirlces. But this was Charming, not the Upper East Side in New York. "She doesn't even know me and she hates me."

"Yes." Jo shrugged lightly, with another wave of laughter surfacing as she watched his face falling. "Don't take it too personally though. She hates everybody who isn't family," she explained with a dismissive wave. "Great, now I have to bake what means I gotta go to the grocery." She groaned on a second thought. She couldn't possibly turn up without her infamous firey pie.

"You can bake?" Peter raised an eyebrow at her surprised as she grabbed her bag from the little drawer she'd dropped it to when they'd arrived.

"Yeah, never thought it would be important. I mean, you have a cook and everything." They were both to busy to spend much time in the kitchen and it was easier to let someone else do everything.

"Do you want me to go with you?" Peter asked as she passed by him.

"No, I'll be back in no time." Jo waved at him and hurried down the steps. She'd better just get this quickly out of the way.

Jax wandered around the grocery. Gemma'd called him to get beer and snacks because she was about to make a party. His mother was very secretive about the reason and it annoyed him. He hated surprises. Somehow in his life surprises ended up backlashing at them most of the times. But when his mother wanted something, there was no way to reason with her and if she wanted to keep a secret, she would so he didn't even bother pressing the subject.

He was on his way to his bike when he saw a woman walking in his direction. She wore a pastel colour, flower patterned summer dress, blue high heels, sunglasses that covered most of her face, her long light brown hair bounced in a ponytale.

She reminded him of somebody, her face, the way she held herself, the way she moved… Still he couldn't put his finger on who she was. Jax was about to ask her if he knew her when he heard Tara calling his name. The woman made a face and muttered something under her breath. It sounded like she said some things never changed but Jax couldn't be sure if he was right.

"Wait," he called after her but she entered the grocery without even glancing back and he'd better get going if he didn't want both his girlfriend and mother ending up pissed at him.

Jo hadn't even wanted this. She hadn't wanted to go home. It was all Peter's fault. Her blood boiled after she'd seen Tara was back in town as well. This was just her luck. The first people she'd run into besides Gemma were the two people she least wanted to see.

"Are you sure you want to come?" She asked for the hundredth time, in hope Peter'd change his mind. The truth was she was nervous as hell to let her blue blood fiance anywhere near the bikers. It was simply not his scene.

"Joanie, I'd like to get to know more about you. You never talk about your past, about Charming or anything at all." Peter sighed, tried to wrap his mind around why his fiance wanted to keep him away from this part of her life. There's a good reason for that, Jo groaned mentally but finally nodded.

"Alright, before we go, you gotta know a few stuff," she said meaningfully and Peter nodded, waited for her to continue. She took a deep breath and started. "My mom was a junkie and my dad died when I was 14," she started, watched Peter's reaction. His face darkened, pity deepened the lines on his face.

"Jesus, Joanie, why didn't you tell me any of this?" He pulled her close, obviously felt he should comfort her.

"No, no, don't get me wrong," Jo pulled away and shook her head. She needed none of that. "I've got nothing to complain about. See, my dad was a member of SAMCRO."

"SAMCRO?" Peter asked, confusion over his face by the word that foreign to him.

"SAMCRO is the local motorcycle club and they are my family. Clay, my godfather is the president of the club, his wife, Gemma, she was like my mom and all the guys… We are a huge family." Jo tried her best to explain her weird background. She was aware it'd be hard to understand any of it for somebody who got no idea about this kind of life.

"So this SAMCRO… They are like the Harley Davidson guys you can see on the road, Peter said slowly, his brain tried to process the information she'd just dropped on him.

"Yeah, something like that." She figured it'd be for the best to leave there, and share no more about the club with her fiance. It wasn't like he'd ever have anything to do with them so it was alright for her to just rest the subject. And whilst she trusted him, her loyalty would be always with the Sons and she knew Peter would never understand what this kind of life meant.

"About the party." Jo said with a straight face, wanted Peter to know everything she was about to say was to be taken 100% seriously. "The guys can be a little overwhelming. Whatever happens, just don't start to argue with them or say anything that could offend them. Don't touch their bikes and…"

"And don't look into their eyes?" Peter's laughter cut her off and she stood up frustrated.

"I'm not kidding, Peter," she groaned. She was nervous about Peter going to the party. He didn't know the rules of her world. This whole thing could go downhill so many ways, the possibilities seemed to be endless.

"Sorry." He chuckled lightly and stepped to her. "It's just like you're talking about wild animals, like we are going to the zoo." He gave her a kiss, and smiled at her. It was meant to be soothing but there was not anything in that moment that could blow her concerns away.

"Just try not to forget don't say anything stupid," Jo repeated with a slight nod and a sigh.

"Sounds like I'd better just stay silent all night." Peter watched her with a frown on his face as she walked towards her old room.

Something like that, she thought to herself but instead of saying it she sent a weak smile to him before she disappeared in her room.

Nothing had changed in there either. Everything was the same as she left it, except for the fact that her room was also as clean as never before. She moved to the wardrobe and opened it. Gemma must have washed her clothes while she was on it because everything smelled nice, and not like it had been left to rot. She didn't bring any clothes she could wear, so she got no choice but to wear something old.

Jo decided to go with her shabby ripped jeans, a black tank top and her old boots. She stopped in front of the mirror, her eyes fell on a photo. It'd been made when she'd been born. Jax who'd been 4 years old then kept her proudly in his arms, grinned like he'd just won the lottery. There was another one, Opie, her other best friend laughed hard at something while she sat in Jax's lap, playing poker with the guys.

As she stared at the pictures, she couldn't help but think about how different was Peter and Jax. While Jax got blond hair, Peter got black. Jax's eyes were blue, Peter's dark brown, almost black. Jax was tall, about 6", while Peter was way shorter than that, almost the same height as her.

But those were just the obvious parts that anybody could see. They were the opposite inside, too. Jax was restless, wild, always dealing with some messed up emotional stuff, being with him was like sitting on a roller coaster. On the other hand Peter never lost it, he was always put together, calm, his life, his emotions always in perfect balance.

She shook her head and pulled her hair into a pony tail. It would be stupid compaire fire to water. She reached for the black eyeliner. It'd been in the stoneage was a long time ago she'd used anything even remotely that dark besides mascara. Of course, she used make up but not as intense as back in her old life.

When she was done Jo stared at her reflection. The girl she saw there wasn't the same who lived in New York. It was weird, like Joanie went on a vacation and Jo took her place for a night. Now you have a divided personality, she snorted and rolled her eyes at herself.

She couldn't help but wonder how they would welcome her. Did they remember who she was? Was she still part of the family? Was Gemma the only one who was happy for her? She couldn't imagine that to be true but after the way she'd left, it wouldn't be surprising if they didn't welcome her with arms wide open. She sighed, grabbed her leather jacket from the back of the chair and went back to the living room where Peter waited for her. When Jo stopped in front of him, his eyes almost popped out of his head, he was clearly shocked by the sudden change in her looks.

"Wow." That was all Peter could say as he tried to take in what he saw.

"I know it isn't what you used to." Jo cleared her throat and ran a hand over her ponytail. One night, and he'd never have to see smokey eyes and red lipstick, black clothes on her.

"It's definitely different." Peter nodded, clearly, still tried to get used the sight.

"Okay, let's get over with this," Jo said, and started out of the house. The sooner they'd get this out of the way, the better it'd be.

Jo entered her godparent's house without knocking, Peter hot on her heals. He heard the voices from the back and saw Jo smiling. He watched as she walked through the house with a surprising confidence. Not that Jo wasn't confident but she seemed to be different, something changed in the way she held herself, she looked tough, like in the courtroom but with extra edge. Probably because of the clothes, Peter thought and shrugged the weird feeling off.

"Who makes the best pie in the world ever?" Jo shouted with a grin as all the eyes turned towards her.

"Raven?... Jo?" Everybody asked in union, watched her with wide eyes. Peter was slightly surprised by the nickname but it clearly fit the girl they knew, the one with the black hair, the one he had a growing feeling that he knew about nothing at all.

"Snow White's stepma, you sillies." Jo laughed full heartedly as she saw the shock on their faces. Silence fell over them, and Peter fidgeted behind her somewhat uncomfortable.

"Oh, baby girl, so you're the reason we're all here." A big man pulled her into a huge bear hug, lifted her up easily and the silence was broken, a ramble of laughter, and a mess of rambles ran over the garden.

"I missed you, too Papa Bear but I need to breath." Jo giggled and the man put her down.

"Wasn't your hair black, Raven?" A guy with slightly curly hair and dead cold blue eyes asked, watched her close with a suspcious expression on his face.

"Yeah, I guess there was a reason I went with the name Raven." Jo chuckled and straightened her back a little more as she faced the man.

"Still a smartass at least." The man rolled his eyes and hugged her.

She didn't need a second to forget about Peter presence. It was a long procedure while everybody welcomed her. He stayed at the door, and just watched his fiance. It was like watching a stranger. Everybody gathered around her and she hugged, kissed, talked and laughed, probably more than Peter'd ever seen. She moved so natural between these men and women like she'd never even left.

"Hey, Jax, look who is here," somebody shouted from the crowd when a blonde man passed by Peter.

Peter saw Jo froze for a second as she turned towards him. It was the same man from the photos he saw in the house, the one Jo hadn't talked about.

"So it was really you." Jax stopped a few feet away from Jo, looked hard at her. Her only answer was a shrug.

"You just walked away," he said with a razor sharp voice. Peter got a feeling something happened between his fiance and this guy, something in the past and whatever it was, it didn't help to ease the tension from his mind.

"And you didn't follow." Jo glared at the man, her voice mirrored his cutting one. It was a voice he'd never heard before.

There was tensed silence that was only cut off when Jo's godmother announced the dinner was ready. They all sat around a huge garden table. Peter was overwhelmed by the loud companion, for a moment he even felt lost before Jo sat down next to him.

"Hey, are you alright?" She looked at him concerned, and squeezed his hand under the table.

"Sure." Peter smiled at her reassuringly. After all it had been his idea to go to her hometown, to reconnect with her past. He'd rather not share he thought the men around the table looked like a bunch of criminals and he was happy they'd be out of this pithole in a few days.

"I'm sorry I left you alone before but I didn't see these guys for years," she explained.

"Joanie, it's okay." He gave a kiss to her, but the feeling of being watched didn't go unnoticed by him. When he turned to see who was staring at them, his eyes met Jax's intense gaze. The man wore an expression like he wanted to kill Peter. Maybe the guy was in love with Jo but she'd left, he thought as he looked away.

"I'm here," a guy yelled, almost fell to the table like he ran for his life.

"You're lucky this is a special night, otherwise you could sit with the kids again." Gemma glared at him.

"I'm sorry, Gemma. I tried to hurry, but you know there was this stuff I had to take care of," the guy tried to explain but stopped when he saw it led nowhere.

"Oh, and who is this fine young lady here?" He asked and made room for himself next to Jo.

"Jo." She laughed as he kissed her hand.

"Let me introduce myself, Miss Jo. I'm Jean Carlos Ortiz, but for my friends it's just Juice."

"It's nice to meet you, Juice. Good to see some fresh blood in this old creepy machine." Jo chuckled and the men around the table snorted.

"So is she an old lady?" Juice asked, and Peter frowned. In his circles this was not a phrase they used.

"No, but you'd better keep your hands to yourself because soon she'll be," a man with a terrible Scottish accent replied.

"It isn't that soon. I mean, she's only 28." Peter laughed sheepishly at his own joke but he seemed to be the only one who thought this was funny.

"Being an old lady means she belongs to one of us," Jax said, his gaze unwavering as he watched Jo.

"Oh, I see. Well, that wouldn't happen unless I join the club." He cackled again, pulled Jo closer to his body instinctly. Everybody stared at them like Peter said there was a bomb under the table and if anybody moved he'd explode it.

"Where is Opie? I haven't seen him," Jo asked, moved out from under his arm. Peter could tell she wanted to save the awkward situation but it didn't work because the silence got even heavier.

"Donna died." Clay, the big man broke the silence after a few moments. Whoever she was must have meant a lot for them because they couldn't even look up.

"What happened?" Jo asked, surprised Peter with her hard tone. He could tell Jo'd known the woman, maybe they'd even been friends so her hard expression was a slight surprise for him. Everybody moved their gaze to Peter who moved uncomfortably next to Jo. It was obvious they didn't want to talk about the subject in his presence. Jo nodded silently and didn't ask further.

Jax jumped up from the table and rushed off without a word. It took less than a second for his fiance to follow the other man's lead and go after him, leaving Peter alone at the table.

"Hey, pretty boy," Jo said, and sat next to Jax on the front steps. When she'd seen his face as Opie was mentioned, she'd known right away something terrible had happened. Her stomach dipped in fear for a moment that her friend was no more.

"Wanna share?" She asked and Jax handed her his cigarette. "You know I didn't mean this but thanks." She took a gulp and waited patiently. Jo knew Jax enough to be aware asking questions, pressing the topic wouldn't get her anywhere.

"It was us," Jax said after a few minutes of silence. His words hang in the air and Jo swallowed hard.

"Shit," she muttered under her breath, her stomach jumped to her throat. She didn't need to ask what he meant, she was all to aware of the meaning of his words. "What happened?"

"There's this crazy ATF bitch. She set us up, planting Opie was a rat…"

"What? How could you believe that, Jax?" Jo raised her voice and stood up, her eyes widening. She'd been gone for a long time but even eternity wouldn't be enough to turn their best friend against the club.

"I didn't, okay?" He replied frustrated, his eyes blazed with anger and pain. "They paid his debts, his car and mobile was wired so Clay thought that he gave us out. I didn't know about it, Raven."

"Jesus," Jo said in a small voice, tried to hold back the tears as she paced. "Does he… Oppie… he…"

"No, he thinks it was the Niners." Jax shook his head. Jo watched him for a few moments and she only realized then how exhausted he looked. She sat back next to him and pulled him into a hug.

"I swear if I only knew," he murmured into her hair. That voice sent a jolt of pain into her heart. Never before she'd heard him talking like that.

"I know, I know…" She said quietly, stroked his back softly, tried to take his pain away even if she knew it was impossible.

"Raven, you should come back if you don't want Gemma scare away your man." Half Sack, the new prospect showed up in the door with a grin on his face.

„Oh, shit," Jo cursed under her breath and jumped from the steps. She should have never left him alone with them, especially not with Gemma.

"So you tell me you can't use any weapon, you can't fight, not even a rabbit as much as I can tell. Would you mind share with me how you would like to protect my goddaughter?" Gemma looked hard at Peter, reminded Jo of a cop who knew the suspect was running off answeres.

"Leave him alone, Aunt." She rolled her eyes and sat back next to her fiance. "You know just like I do that I can take care of myself. I learnt martial arts and I can shoot since I was 12."

"You can shoot? And since you were 12?" Peter looked at Jo with wide eyes but she just shrugged.

"Do you remember? That was some crazy shit." Jax smiled as he made his way back to the table as well.

"Dad was so pissed he wanted to shoot your ass." Jo laughed along everybody, remembered her father chasing the 16 years old boy across the street after he'd found out what they'd done.

"Wasn't so funny. That could have gotten me killed." The edge Jax's words were taken off by the smirk that played over his lips.

"You"d have deserved it. Giving a gun to a kid." Clay shook his head disapprovingly but there was a smile hiding in his eyes.

"Then again who would have taught all the other stuff to her? Like kissing?" Jax winked at Jo who laughed even harder.

"Shut up, Teller!" She threw a frie at him, her cheeks turning slightly pink from laughter.

Gemma stood in the corner, moved her eyes between her son and goddaughter. That stupid boy let her leave, not realizing she was the one all along. Gemma knew she had to do something because there was no way she'd let Jax make the same mistake again.

"What do you have in mind?" Clay stopped next to her, knew too well that she was up to something.

"They are still perfect." She replied with a nod towards them.

"For what?" Clay raised an eyebrow.

"You know for what, for each other." Gemma snapped, made Clay laugh.

"Don't try anything. They will realize sooner or later." He patted a kiss on the top of her head and wrapped his arms around her waist.

"Not with that bitch, Tara back. Somebody has to show him who he is belong to," Gemma groaned.

"But that somebody shouldn't be you." Clay warned her. There was never anything good coming out of her interfering with her son's life.

Jo was talking to Half Sack, laughed hysterically as she listened to the story behind the name when a slow song started to play. It was Safe In My Heart by the Foreigners. Jo's gaze searched for Jax immediately. Their song.

When her father had died she couldn't stop crying. She'd been with Jax at the clubhouse. He'd turned on the radio and that song had been played. He'd taken her into his lap, and just swung with her back force, softly stroked her back, tried just to be there for her, knowing words couldn't have eased her pain.

Jax stepped to her, offered his hand that Jo took and he pulled her close to his body. They didn't dance, just swayed slowly with the music. She rested her head on his chest, listened to his heartbeat, a familiar feeling grew in her, the feeling of home.

Peter stood lonely in a corner, watched his fiance dancing with Jax. They were too close for his taste but that wasn't the worst part. He'd been watching them all night. They finished each other's sentences, had inner jokes that only they understood, and they moved in such sync even with the most mundaine choirs like cleaning the table, it made Peter feel smaller and smaller. The way they gazed at each other was disturbing. He realized there was some kind of invisible bond between the two, something that tied them to each other, something what he never had, that thing he knew was missing from their realationship, at least from Jo's part: blind, unconditional love.

"It was the biggest mistake of your life, convincing her to come back. She will never leave again, you know that, right?" Peter flinched by Gemma's words because he got a feeling the woman was right. He should have never let Jo come back. Next day when they were gone, he'd make sure she'd never return to this place again.

Jo pulled her shirt over her head, her eyes stopped at the tattoo on her left side. It was a crow, under it a text "JJ forever". She'd been 16 when one of the guys had made it for her. Clay and Jax both had been furious but she'd just laughed at them.

"What does it mean, Joanie?" Peter asked from the bed, startled Jo slightly.

"I thought you were sleeping," she said, and grabbed her night shirt.

"You didn't answer," Peter pressed and she took a deep breath.

"I already told you. Joana Jameson," Jo lied without blinking. "JJ forever" meant Jax and Jo forever but obviously, that wasn't a thing she wanted to share with her fiance.

"This isn't just a motorcycle club, is it?" His voice wasn't accusing, more anxious than anything else.

"What's with all these questions?" Jo asked back sharply, and got in the bed, pulled the cover over herself. She didn't like questions about the club, and it didn't matter what it was considering they'd leave in less than 24 hours.

"I'm just curious," Peter replied defensively and she sighed.

"Sorry, it's 3 in the morning and I'm tired. Let's not talk about the club. We leave tomorrow anyway," Jo said softly before she gave a kiss to him and turned her back on him, cut the conversation shortly.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello Everyone! As promised, here's the weekly update. Thank you so much for the reviews and the faves/follows. It means a lot that even this recycled story gets love. Hope you enjoy xoxo**

Jo sat at the counter, sipping her morning coffee with her feet swinging back and forth on the stool. In a way her homecoming wasn't as bad as she expected, on the other hand it was a relief she could leave again. She didn't like the way she talked to Peter last night, didn't like the sense of past pulling her back with an unstoppable force either. It was safer for away from Charming, in New York where she didn't have to worry about people asking questions she had no intention to answer, where she could be Joanie, a decent woman who left her past behind.

Peter was packing the last remains into boxes, told her not to bother with it, he'd just stash them up on the attic. Jo didn't argue because everything had a meaning for her, even her clothes and the less she interacted, the least it'd hurt to say goodbye all over again. Her gaze raised to the door when somebody knocked and slowly, she got off the stool and walked to the door.

"Morning," Piney greeted her with a careworn expression on his face and she frowned at him. Truth to be told, Jo expected her godmother to show up and demand her to stay.

"Hey old man," she said with a smile on her face as she stepped to the side to let him in. She motioned to the counter for him to sit to as she claimed her seat back and pulled her leg under herself. "So what brought you here?" Piney rubbed the back of his neck, his eyes moved around. Jo poured some coffee for him and slid the cup over to his hand, waited patiently for him to talk.

"I'm here to ask a favor," he announced and Jo nodded slowly for him to continue. "I could use your help with the kids." He exclaimed finally and she chuckled lightly. Of course.

"Why do I get a feeling Gemma's got something to do with this?" Jo shook her head and a smile hid around the corner of her lips. She figured Gemma was freaking out about Tara being not only back in town but back together with Jax as well, and saw her as the only way of rescue for her son.

"Maybe she suggested to ask you but I really need help. Look at me, I'm old for this shit, I've got no patience for them," Piney explained and she sighed deeply, her finger making circles over the edge of her cup. She was divided about what the right thing to do would be. She got a life, a job, an upcoming wedding. But then looking at Piney's exhausted face she couldn't help but feel a sense of responsibility to help. He was family and what they were going through, not only Opie but the kids, and Piney as well was beyond tough. The old man was like an uncle for her and family should come above all. This was exactly what Gemma was counting on, her stupid big heart and sense of loyalty to all of them.

"How long?" She asked with a roll of her eyes.

"2 weeks, maybe 3," the old man replied, relief echoing through his voice. The only reason she stayed was because he could tell, the old man was really just head above the water with the kids.

"Fine. But I'm not staying any longer. 3 weeks and that's it." She nodded, while silently cursing her godmother for putting her into a situation like that. Who the hell could say no to this? Especially knowing what really happened to Donna.

"Are you ready?" Peter stepped into the room, his coat already on him, the papers of the house in his hands.

"I'm not going yet," Jo said, chewed on her bottomlip as she waited for her fiance to process the information. It didn't take a genius to figure Peter wouldn't be thrilled about the news. It didn't pass her attention how tensed he was since the party or that his words became a little more strained towards her. She didn't blame him though, considering it was likely partially her own restlessness that put him on the edge.

"What?" He frowned at her, his eyebrows touched his hairline. The rise of the tension in the room was nearly palpable.

"I'll let you kids talking it over," Piney said quietly as he stood up and patted a kiss on Jo's cheek. "Thank you, Raven."

Peter's gaze followed the old man to the door. He ran a hand over his face with a deep sigh before he moved his gaze back to Jo when the door closed behind Piney.

"What is this about?" He looked at her hard, his voice carried an edge she wasn't eager about.

"He needs help with his grandkids," she replied simply as she stood from the stool and walked to the sink to preoccupy herself with washing the dishes.

"Get a nanny," Peter huffed and her hands tightened around the mug in her hand. He could show at least a little more sympathy.

"I owe him, Peter," she snapped at him and threw the sponge into the sink before she turned to him. "You would do the same for your sister, wouldn't you?"

"She's family," he scoffed with a shake of his head and Jo closed her eyes to count to ten. Was the situation new and likely unexpected for him? Yes. Did it justify him questioning her helping people who raised her? Definitely not.

"Well, like it or not, Peter, these people are my family. I'm sorry if it's difficult for you to wrap your mind around it but you'll have to deal with it. You wanted me to come back, remember?" She fumed, her cheeks flaming up with anger.

"Maybe it was a mistake," he hissed with a glare directed at her.

"Mistake or not there's no going back now," she said in a low voice. "Would you really want to marry a woman who knows her family is in trouble and just leaves them behind because that'd be convenient?" Silence fell over them. Peter glanced away, his lips sealed in a straight line. "It's just a couple of weeks." Jo stepped to him, brushed her lips over his lightly, her fingers enlaced with his.

"What about work?" He asked, already defeated, knowing there was no actual valid reason why she shouldn't stay.

"I'll call Mary and tell her I want to use my vacation time. She bugged me about it for years anyway," she replied with a light shrug. Her boss kept demanding her to take a couple of days off at least. But she was one of the only person in the office who had no family so she ended up working even during the holidays, she got all the emergency calls. The truth was she needed constant distraction, things to do, if she stopped for too long her thoughts went to places they had no business at.

"Fine." Peter pulled a face but she could feel some of the tension left his body.

"It's going to be fine," she reassured him with a smile on her face as she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed her lightly.

After Peter left Jo headed over to the garage. She wanted to make it clear for Gemma, she was engaged and got no intention to get involved with Jax ever again. If he wanted to be with the heartless bitch who left him without even a note, then let it be. He was a big boy, he had to make his own mistakes.

She grinned as she walked through the parking lot. God, how much she missed all the noises, the sight of the guys messing around with each other like stupid little schoolboys, the smell of petrol spicing the air, cars that would never be repaired parking at the lot. She stopped for a couple of moments in the middle of the yard and closed her eyes under her sunglasses, just let the feeling, noises, the air, the hot Californian sun soak into her skin, into her cells. With a deep content sigh she opened her eyes and headed to the office.

"Hey." Her gaze wandered around the tiny space, stacks of papers laid around in an unruley way in front of her godmother. "You have glasses," she noted with a grin as she pushed her sunglasses on the top of her head. She would have never believed but somehow it fitted Gemma. She reminded Jo of her boss this way, tough and unapologetic were words she'd use for both women.

"I see you stayed," Gemma said without looking up from the bills she was working on but Jo could see the smirk playing over her lips, and she knew that satisfied tone way too well as well.

"Yeah, that's what I wanted to talk about." She waved and closed the door behind her. She didn't want people to gossip and as rough as these guys were, at times when some juicy gossip was heard, they could act like schoolgirls "I know what you're doing, Gemma and I'm not going to take part in your plans." Her sense of loyalty might always tie her to the club but she wasn't going to let her godmother use that against her.

"I don't know what you're talking about, baby girl." Gemma glanced at her from under her glasses, wearing a supposedly innocent expression that fit her like it'd have fit the devil himself.

"You know exactly what I meant." Jo rolled her eyes with a shake of her head. "You should accept Jax is a grown up man and he'll do whatever the hell he wants to do either you like it or not." She loved Gemma, she truly did but sometime the woman could be damn overbearing, especially when it came to Jax.

"He's my son and I'm not going to let him make the same mistake again," Gemma stated with a hard voice as she stashed up some papers into her hands with violent moves. "Everybody knows Tara isn't good for him." Was it true Jax was over his head with Tara? Of course. Was it true Tara never loved who Jax was but some kind of fairytail prince she made up in her mind? Of course. However, if they wanted to give it a try, it was there business. They were both grown up. It was likely that Jax would be left behind like a lovesick puppy all over again but he wasn't a baby, he'd get over it.

"Whatever, just don't get me into this shit," Jo replied, slightly annoyed with the situation, especially because she knew there was no stopping for her godmother if she got something on her mind.

"You're already in it and you know it." Gemma scoffed, stood from the table and dropped the papers into one of the drawers. Jo could feel her bloodpressure rising so she took a deep breath before she answered.

"No. Can you see this?" She raised her hand and pointed at the impressive diamond engagement ring on her finger. "I'm going to get married in two months."

"See this?" Gemma stepped to her and grabbed the chain on Jo's bag. A ring hung on it, one she'd gotten from Jax for her 14's birthday. She cut mostly everything out from her life that could remind her of Jax or Charming but she simply had no strength to get rid of that piece of past.

"This is what you always wanted." Gemma dropped the chain with an angry move before she pointed at Jo. "He needs you. The club needs you." Bringing up the club was a low move, but then Jo wasn't even surprised. Her godmother was known to fight dirty, and why would she be the exception.

"Gemma, I love you and I love the club and I'm grateful for what you all did for me but I'm not willing to risk the life I built with sweat and blood because Jax is being Jax again."

"Then why are you still here, sweetheart?" Gemma tilted her head to side as she watched Jo close. She opened her mouth then closed it, her eyes narrowed at the other woman. Obviously, she wasn't goint to convince her with the fact that she sent an old man asking for her help and she would have felt like a complete bitch for saying no.

The door opened and Jax bumped into Jo, his hands gripped her arms so she wouldn't fall forwards. The scent of petrol, cheap soap and sweat with a sweet hint underlaying all of it surrounded her. She could feel the goosebumps running all over her skin as he held her and she pulled away quickly.

Gemma snorted, a smirk over her face again and Jo glared at her, her hands tightened into fists as she cussed her godmother mentally. If only Jax'd fucked her back in time, the itch would have been long gone. The only reason for her body reacting the way it did was the memory of a crush, a crave that had never been fullfilled.

"What's going on?" Jax asked, moved his gaze between the two women who stood in a silent staring down contest in front of each other.

"Nothing." Jo huffed with a glare directed at him as she turned around and pushed him out of her way, hurried out of the tiny space in need of air. She hurried down the steps and saw Juice sitting at the table with a cigarette in his hand and she headed there.

"Can you give me one?" She circled her neck, the tension sneaked all over her spine, made her feel like she could snap into two she was so strained.

"Sure thing." He grinned at her and throw the pack that she caught in midair. Being back in Charming was bad for her health, both mental and physical she noted before she lit the cigarette and leant her hips against the table. "Didn't you say you would leave early this morning?"

"Change of plans," Jo replied, her gaze already at Jax who just left the office and headed towards them with a stormy expression on his face.

"What was that about?" He stopped in front of her with his arms crossed over his chest.

"You don't wanna know," she groaned and took another drag of her cigarette. Jax wasn't that stupid, he must have known or at least suspect what was going on, and if he didn't... that would be the best for all of them. He watched her for a couple of moments and she fidgeted under his gaze, ran a hand over her ponytail in a slightly anxious manner.

"Have you been on a bike since you left?" His tongue ran slowly over his lips as he moved his gaze between her and his bike and Jo bit her bottomlip. He was an attractive man, she reasoned any woman who were into men, and any men who also preferred men would be slightly shaken by that slow motion move he just did.

"Jo?" Jax waved in front of her face and she shook herself mentally. This needed to stop. She acted like a fool, a teen fool, she acted like the Jo who she'd left behind and that wasn't okay.

"No." She missed it everyday maybe more than anything. The sun warming her skin, the wind blowing her hair, the feeling of freedom, the ultimate sanctuary that could bring her peace like nothing else in this world.

"Come on, I'll take you." Jax chuckled lightly, seeing her dreamy face. "Take this." He threw a helmet to her and she swirled it around her hands, her eyes widened.

"You still have this?" She asked, surprised as she move her gaze between Jax and the helmet. It was her old one, a baby bird on the back of it, the name „Raven" painted under it.

"Thought you would come back for it someday." Jax shrugged nonchalantly and sat on the bike. She stood there stunned of his thougtfullness or arrogance, whichever could work. Either way, she was happy and to be honest a little bit touched he didn't dump it.

"Coming or what?" His voice woke her from her daydreaming and she put on the helmet with a roll of her eyes. He was never known for his patience.

"Hold your horses, Teller." Jo rolled her eyes, swang her leg over the bike and lightly put her arms around Jax. It was a familiar and yet foreign feeling, the roar of the engine, Jax's leather vest resting under her fingers, how she could feel his ribs moving against her palm as he breathed slowly.

"Do you wanna fall off?" Jax growled and pulled her arms tighter around his waist so she ended up all the way pressed up to his back. Jo made a face but didn't pull away.

"What are you staring at?" Clay stopped next to his wife who stared out of the window and peaked over her shoulder.

"Look at them." She nodded her head in the direction of Jax and Jo who looked exactly just like ten years ago, ready to hit the roads.

"You made her stay." He sighed, a slight disapprovement in his tone.

"I gave her an option." Gemma shrugged and in the end, that was what she did. Jo made her own decision, she did not force the girl to stay, let alone to get cozy with Jax again.

"I will tell one of the guys to keep an eye on her. There are too much shit going around nowadays to leave her unprotected." Clay grumbled with a shake of his head as he sat to the desk and laced his fingers behind his head.

"Ask Jax," Gemma ordered, and Clay let out an exaggarated sigh. There was really no point in trying to fight his woman at this.

Jo only needed a few moments to forget about the world around her. Riding on a bike couldn't be compaired to anything. For the 10 years she'd been gone, she'd always missed something and now Jo knew it was the feeling of being free, the weight of the world not pushing down on her, just letting the road take her to unknown places. Her cheek rested on Jax's back and she inhaled deeply over and over again. It felt like when she spent way too long under water and when she surfaced there was a moment of euphoria about being able to get air into her lungs again.

Jax slowed down the bike and stopped, Jo's heart tugged at the familiar sight at her. They used to come to these cliffs all the time when they wanted to be alone. It was their secret hideout, a place only they knew about. Though the last time they'd been there'd been anything but pleasant.

 **FLASHBACK**

 _"You don't go anywhere with him." Jax pointed at her with a growl, his eyes flashed with anger as he paced up and down._

 _"You don't tell me what to do," Jo stated stubbornly and glared at him, her voice rose with anger._

 _"Yes, I do." He stepped up to her and grabbed her jaws roughly. "I told you I don't like you hanging with that jerk." His voice was razor sharp, his blue eyes darkened with rage as he pushed her back lightly._

 _"And I didn't ask your opinion," she shouted at him, her entire being shook from the adrenalin spreading over her system. "Why don't you go and bug your girlfriend?" She threw her arms into the air with a scoff. "Oh, wait a sec, she left." She could see the pain running over his features and she almost regretted lashing out like that._

 _"And we're back to this again," Jax rolled his eyes, his lips set into a straight line._

 _"Maybe because ever since that trash got in our life you don't give a shit about anything, and now that she's gone you suddenly feel like you can fucking tell me how to live my life because what... you are bored?" Jo yelled at him._

 _"Don't talk about her that way," he growled in a low warning tone, his eyes flickered dangerously and Jo laughed out bitterly._

 _"See? All you heard from what I said that she was a trash. Like I said, you don't give a fuck about me." She huffed with a glare directed at him. It'd been over a year since they'd even come to cliffs or since they'd spent some time together because somehow Tara always happened have plans when they would have done something together and of course, Jax like a puppy followed her around._

 _"I'm trying to keep you safe." He grabbed her jaws roughly, his lips just a breath away from hers and Jo shuddered._

 _"No, you're just being a possessive bastard, Teller," she said with a straight voice as she pulled out of his hold, her cheeks burning from his touch._

 _"What are you talking about?" He frowned at her with a huff, his eyebrows raised at her like what she said was the biggest bullshit he'd ever heard._

 _"Explain to me why you can have somebody and I don't?" She tilted her head to the side, crossed her arms, fingers tapped against her arm as she waited for him to give her a decent explanation. While he was with Tara there was one thing, he still took the time for and that was ruining her private life, scaring of anyone who even glanced her way._

 _"Because that's different," he replied with the utmost naturality._

 _"How? How is that different? What do you want from me, Jax?" She screamed and pushed him hard on the chest, the move surprised him enough so that he stumbled backwards a step but she followed him. "Do you want me to say I love you ever since I know my mind? That I don't want anybody just you? And if so on what purpose? Ha? So that you can just run off after your girl and laugh at me, leave me behind and never look back?" Her hands lashed out over and over again as tears started streaming down her face. Jax let her do it, let her hit him over and over again. The fear of being left behind finally surfaced and she couldn't stop the tears from falling. He just stood there and took all of her lashes without trying to stop her. Her entire body was shaking as she sobbed unstoppabley. When her smacks became weaker and weaker, he lightly gripped her wrists and pulled her against his chest. She tried to get out of his hold but he held her too tight._

 _"Why don't you want me you son of a bitch? I fucking hate you."_

 **FLASHBACK END**

"Do you still come here often?" Jo asked as she got off the bike and let her gaze wander around.

"I wasn't here since you left," Jax replied with his back to her as he took his helmet off.

"That was a long time ago." She sighed and sat on the ground, pulled her knees against her chest, just stared at the sunset ahead of them. There was no sky like that anywhere in the world.

"I missed you." He said quietly as he sat behind her, put his arms around her waist and pulled her between his legs.

"I missed you, too." She said barely audiable and closed her eyes, leant her head back against his chest, their fingers entwined over her stomach.

Hour upon hour passed without either of them realizing. They tried to catch up with each other's life, both of them eager to share what the other missed. Jo told about her crazy year in the ambulance car, shared her funny stories, the sad ones, how she lived on just biscuits so she could go to college and pursue law.

Jax didn't hesitate for a moment to talk about club business, to share how sloppy things started to get in the last couple of months. He was grateful there was someone who listened to all that shit, who he could share his thoughts and concerns with, and mainly that she was someone who understood him, maybe more than he understood himself sometimes.

He'd had no chance for such in a long time. Tara didn't want to get involve with club business, Opie would be out of question even if he was home and his mother was way too busy pushing for her own agenda to ever really hear him out.

"You know he changed my view of life," Jax said and Jo didn't miss how his voice softened as he talked about his son. "I wasn't ready for him. Hell, I'm still not sure I'm ready but I couldn't imagine my life without him anymore."

"I'm glad he made it through. But again, he's a Teller, strong like his daddy." Jo smiled up at him, felt her heart warming up. Jax might not be a perfect citizen but she had no doubt, he'd give his life for the kid without a moment of hesitation, and growing up in the household where she grew up, taught her that mattered more than anything else.

"Do you want to see him?" Jax grinned at her as he stood up and offered his hand.

"Of course." Jo took his hand, let him pull her up. She didn't think she'd ever seen Jax so proud of anything, and it made her heart beat just a little faster to see him like that.

* * *

"Just go, I'll be there in a sec. First door to the left" Jax told her as he walked into the kitchen. She went into Abel's room, stopped above the small bed. The little boy smiled up at her, melted her heart immediately.

"You"re a tough guy, aren't you?" She smiled at Abel, lifted him from the bed. "Look at you, what a handsome little man." She cradled him in her arms and rocked him slowly, his tiny little fingers tangled in her hair. "You're going to break hundreds of hearts just like daddy."

"So you think I'm a breaking hearts?" She flinched as he talked from behind her, so caught up in the baby in her arms, she didn't realize Jax was standing at the door.

"Well, you broke mine," she replied quietly, her gaze met his. There was a moment of silence between them when she even forgot to breath but the moment was gone quickly when Tara appeared besides Jax with a hard expression on her face.

"I'd better go." Tara walked into the room and took the baby from her arms with a glare. The little boy started crying right away and Jo chuckled lightly. He already got more brains than his daddy.

"How long do you stay?" Tara called after her and she almost laughed out loud. It was funny how looking back at it, Tara was always jealous of her despite of the fact she was the one who Jax was willing to throw everything away. Jo thought about this a lot but the truth was, she simply couldn't figure out what the other woman's problem was even after all these years.

"I'm out of here as soon as Op comes home," she called back over her shoulder. "And don't worry sweetcheeks, I don't wanna be in your shoes." She showed her finger with the ring on it. The afternoon spent with Jax was very instructive regarding her feelings. She was still attracted to him but who wouldn't be? However, there was no pain anymore, not really, maybe a small echo of it but mainly, she felt at peace with where they were.


	3. Chapter 3

**Hello Everybody! As promised, here's the next chapter. Thank you so much for the new follows/faves and for those of you who take the time to leave a feedback, it means more than you believe.**

 **Enjoy xx**

Jo'd fallen into a daily routine with ease. Everything had happened naturally. When Jax had asked her to look after Abel while she was there, Jo'd hesitated. Her hands were already full with Opie's kids, and looking after an infant in the meantime for someone who didn't have experience with children seemed to be a little bit over excessive at first. It turned out that balancing the two older kids, the baby, and the occasional calls from her assistant and collegaues regarding her running cases didn't require as much logistics as one would think.

She still lived in her mother's house, not wanted to waste money on renting a room in the cheap motel down the mainroad. First, it was difficult, memories of her mother laying completely out of it on the floor with a needle standing out from her arm came back to her, all the times she'd hidden in her room just to ignore whatever there'd been going on down there.

But she shook herself and got around the problem as much as it was possible. Jo'd taken one of the couch from the clubhouse, and gotten rid of the one that held so many tainted memories. She placed scented candles all over the house in hope to get rid of the awful smell of her childhood with the help of them.

Jax not only kept hold of her helmet but her favourite blanket too. He knew how much it meant for her so he'd stolen it out of her mother's house one night, just in case she'd ever come back for it. It was a gesture Jo was beyond thankful for. The blanket was a piece she'd purchased with her father when she'd been a kid, about a week before he'd been murdered.

Every morning she got up at 5, brewed herself a big mug of coffee and snuggled up under the blanket she thought she'd lost forever. She sent a daily task list to her assistant, ran through her mails, answered any question that needed to be solved, all that before 7.

She picked up Opie's kids at the exact same time everyday, wanted them to have something constant in their lives, knowing they needed it. It took a couple of days but the warmed up to her. Her heart wrenched each time she looked at them but she shooed her feelings away, aware how much more difficult it was for the kids to go through the loss of their mother, and judging by how things stood, possibly their father.

The situation painfully reminded her of her own childhood. Her mother had never been a saint but her dad had gotten some kind of soothing control over her and when he'd been gone, the calm had left with him as well. Losing one parent was bad enough, losing two was nearly unbarable. If Opie came back, she was going to talk about this with him. He had to understand his kids needed him.

Once she dropped the kids off at school, she headed over to Jax. Usually, Tara was already gone what she was thankful for. Their relationship was still just as strained as those years ago. Jo couldn't be certain but she suspected the other woman was not exactly thrilled when Jax broke the news that she'd be Abel's baby sitter for a while. Jax evaded the question though and Jo had no intention to pry. They didn't have to be friends with Tara, they would never be in this lifetime but they coped, both of them by ignoring each other.

The afternoons were free for Jo on many occasions when grandma Gemma had no job at the garage and decided to drop by and look after the kids. Jo often stayed with them regardless. She enjoyed seeing Opie's kids laughing more and more with every passing day, and took credit for the improvement that showed in their mood. Of course it was also true she could never get enough of Abel's little giggles and babbles and his chubby little cheeks.

From time to time she visited the garage without Abel in the afternoons, had a beer with the guys, traded stories with them. Characteristics she'd believed that she'd lost through the years surfaced all over again, her dirty mouth, her dirty mind, her even dirtier jokes. Everything was still there under a pile of dust that suprassed the inapropiate behaviour patterns that did not fit her new life.

Jo's eyes were glued to Half Sack who was beating some guy in the ring. Her elbows rested on her knees as she followed every move they made. Blood splashed all over the dirty floor from the guys's mouth just when her phone rang. She stuffed some peanuts into her mouth that she stole from the clubhouse and reached for her phone without taking her gaze off the violent scene. She could use some good fight herself. Maybe she was going to ask one of the guys to spare with her.

"Joania Jameson speaking," she answered the phone without checking the ID. She growled quietly when the guy fell down unconscious, disappointed it took less than 3 minutes for even Half Sack to knock him out.

"Hey, Joanie," Peter's voice greeted her from the other end and she felt a ping of guilt running over her.

"Oh, hey," she replied and stood from her chair, chewed on the side of her thumb as she started pacing. Jo couldn't tell how many days have passed since she'd last called her fiance but it must have been more than 3. She could clearly recall the grimace Jax had pulled when he'd walked in on her while she'd been on the phone with Peter and that was Sunday and now it was Thursday. 4 full days without calling, even worse, 4 days without even remembering she was supposed to check in from time to time.

"Just thought I'd check if everything was okay." It'd take a deaf person to miss the annoyance in Peter's voice and Jo made a face before she ran a hand over her hair. He had every right to use that tone with her if she wanted to be honest.

"I'm sorry I didn't call," she apologized weakly, aware of how it was unlikely it'd blow her fiance's irriation away. "It's just that you know, having two kids and a baby around is pretty much a full time job," she explained as she rubbed the back of her neck. Logistics were easy, except for the fact that by the time she got home, she was always so ready for bed that it completely slipped her mind she'd have one more task to do, call him.

"A baby? What baby?" He asked with an edge in his voice and she sighed. She'd even forgotten to tell him about Abel. Maybe she was a little bit overwhelmed after all.

"Jax's son. He didn't want a stranger around his home, especially not around his kid and I'm here anyway," she explained casually with a shrug as she circled the ring slowly, avoiding the blood drops on the floor.

"So he's got a wife…" Peter tipped with hope shining through his voice and Jo stopped. Was her fiance jealous of Jax?

"No. The mother was a junkie. Abel barely made it through." She said with a slightly weak voice, a shudder ran over her spine as images of her own mother popped into her head again. Those were memories she'd always wished she could forget, memories that poisoned her reality every day.

"Then Jax is alone," Peter assumed slowly, only made Jo more suspicious about him being jealous of the other man. She leant against the corner of the ring, her legs crossed at the ankles.

"It's complicated," she replied with uncertainity in her voice. "Are you jealous?" Jo was never known to beat around the bush. It was a talent that both worked in her favour and could make her life a living hell. In the court room her quick witts, her being unfiltered were welcomed, outside of court though was another story.

"No," Peter answered way too quickly and Jo raised an eyebrow. "I trust you." Who he wanted to convince with that line, himself or her it was difficult to tell.

"Okay," Jo said with the thought that the whole subject would be better left alone. There was no reason to start the Jax conversation when she could be going home at any day, and both Charming and the blond would be behind them for good. She felt the moment of regret by the thought, a solid sadness hitting her but she shrugged it off.

"I'll go and visit for the weekend, okay?" He asked, hitting a less strained toned but Jo's attention was already divided when she heard the rumble of a bike and she pushed away from the ring.

"Sure." She nodded, and watched the guys crowding around someone. She tried to get a peak of who they were standing around at the yard but there were too many of them to get a good look.

"I'll call you later," Peter groaned frustrated, fully aware that she likely didn't even hear what he was saying anymore. He was right as well. Jo's heart raced as she walked to the yard. She felt slightly nauseous as she approached the others.

"I gotta go. Love you." Jo ended the call quickly when she saw her gutt instinct was right, and Opie was the reason for the unusually quiet excitement.

All of them crowded around him, hugged and kissed him, said how happy they were that he was back and Jo waited patiently a couple of feet away to have her turn. There was bitterness in the air, she could taste on her tongue, her throat tightened and she inhaled deeply to get some air into her lungs.

Her heart broke when she finally got a glimpse of her friend's face and she could feel her own tears welling up in the back of her eyes. Her once funny, always smiling friend looked like a meat vessel with nothing but sorrow hardening his features and emptiness in his gaze.

His eyes widened for a moment when he saw her. She wasn't certain if it was alright for her to act like a decade hadn't passed since the last time they'd met but Opie took the prevelege to make the first step, walked up to her and without a word, pulled her into a tight hug.

No words were needed. Her soul ached for him but there was nothing to be done now, nothing to be said. Her thoughts darkened as he held onto her. What could she possibly say anyway that could make his loss less painful? That she was sorry Donna got in the crossfire? Or that she felt his pain?

"I knew you'd come back," he mumbled quietly with a twist of his features that was meant to be a smile and Jo wrapped her arms around her middle. She wasn't going to start and explain to him this was only temporary. There was no point in it so she just nodded and glanced away. She couldn't even look into his eyes without thinking of the fact that the club killed his wife. His own family took one of the most important person away from him and it could not be turned back.

"Do you wanna go for a ride?" Jax asked with a soft voice, sympathy in his blue eyes as he held her helmet out for her.

"What about Abel?" She was supposed to pick the kid up from Gemma soon. At least there were some things she didn't forget.

"Mom can look after him a little longer." He shrugged and threw the helmet to her. Jo bit her bottomlip and nodded. She could use some time away from this, to pull herself together completely.

"I shouldn't have told you," Jax exclaimed and dropped his cigarette, watched it roll down the dusty rocks, disappearing under them. Jo sat on the ground with her legs pulled up to her chest, her chin rested on her knees and watched him pace back and force.

"No, it's okay." She shook her head at him. If he couldn't tell her, who could he tell. She might have been gone for a long time but she was still the person who he could trust without ever doubting her, without ever questioning her loyalty. "You had to talk about it. Nobody should hold a secret like this. It would have eaten you up alive." It wasn't difficult to see what a great toll the events took on him. Handling such darkness alone was inhuman. Jo'd rather taken the burden on herself than let him go through it alone. They'd shared too many things in the first part of their lives for that to even be an option.

"Yeah, so it's killing you, too. I'm doing God's work here," he snorted, bitterness soaked through his words and Jo sighed deeply. Self pity was not an attrective trait, not even on Jax.

"I'm a tough girl," she huffed at him. Anything he could handle, she could as well and he knew that, too. "Plus, I won't have to see him everyday. I'll leave at the weekend." She shrugged, a mixed feeling of guilt and relief ran over her. Jax got it way worse than her. She'd just stand up and dance out of their lives, get off easily without having to face Opie every single day, lie through her teeth, the way Jax had to. For her, this would just be a distant bad dream, for him it was life.

"You didn't change your mind." Jax nodded, his eyes stared into the sunset ahead of them. The last rays of the sun played over his blond hair, one side of his face were already in the shadows but the other was still found by the soft light, lending an alien look to him.

"About what?" Jo blinked up at him, slightly confused with his question. She watched as his muscles moved as he ran a hand over his hair and bit her lip.

"About staying," he replied simply, his gaze moved to her face. There was something in his eyes, something that made her stomach twist but she ignored it. Some feelings never die but some of those feelings were better left in a closed box somewhere deep, away from everything.

"Why would have I?" She had no reason to stay any longer. Opie was back and she kept her promise. It was time for her to go back to reality from the time travel.

"I don't know. It was good to have you around." He shrugged and looked away from her. It'd be a lie to claim her heart didn't skip a beat by his words. It would also be a lie to say she didn't wonder what would have happened if she'd stayed all those years ago. But the past is past, and things would never be the same.

"I have a life, Jax. And you do too, you have the club, Abel, and Tara," she said softly, watched the side of his lips twitch at the mention of his girlfriend. "What's going on with you two?" Jo asked with an exaggarated sigh. She was aware the two of them had issues. The air in between them was so cold sometimes, she nearly froze.

"We are trying to work that out." Jax mumbled as he ran a hand over his hair again. It really started feeling like she sat on a time machine and she was thrown back in time.

"I can see it's going quite well," she snorted with a roll of her eyes. It was one thing that Tara gave her the cold shoulder and the death glares, it was a whole other story how obvious it was for everyone that nothing Jax had done could be good enough for her. Most of the times Jo just ignored her because the other woman could get under her skin with just her mere presence. It was difficult for her to keep her opinion to herself regarding how Tara should stand besides Jax instead of constantly moaning about something but she managed to bite her tongue. This was not her life.

"Can we not start this now, Raven? I've already had enough without you trashing Tara again." Jax snapped at her and her eyes widened. She was doing her damnest to keep things on a civilized level between Tara and her, some credit would be due or at least not baseless accusations thrown at her head.

"Don't bite my throat, Teller. It isn't my fault if you have problems with her," she said with a straight voice, her hands tightened into fists.

"Whatever. Come on, I'll take you home." Jax pulled her up and she suprassed a bitter laugh before it could bubble out of her. Thank God, she was leaving or she'd end up as the scapegoat for their fallout all over again.


	4. Chapter 4

Jo was on her way to Bobby's homecoming party with Peter on her side. There was no denying of how tensed he was. He didn't make a secret of not being thrilled about the idea to go to a SAMCRO party again; silent treatment seemed to be a great acquaintance of him. Jo understood him, truly. These last couple of weeks must have been difficult for him. Their wedding was in the finish line and she was knee deep in dirty nappies instead of going to dress fitting and whatnot.

However, there was no way Jo would miss the party and give Bobby a nice big hug. She wanted to meet every single club member before she took off again. Jo was a very convincing woman if she wanted to be and after an argument that had lasted only for a few minutes, they'd agreed to go. Of course, it helped a lot that her ultimate reasoning could be the fact that she'd go home the next day.

There was no reason for her to stay any longer now that Opie was back. She tried not to think too much into how easy it was for her to slip into old habits. This was a trip to the past but her life was waiting for her and it had no place for the Sons. Bobby's homecoming was going to be the farewell she skipped last time. She needed this to be able to move on properly.

Jo tried her best not to listen to the little voice in the back of her mind that kept whispering, her departure was too rushed. Opie made her a little hesitant. He was in no condition to take care of the kids, far from it to be exact. It was like as if nothing had changed since his arrival. Jo still had to take the kids to school, pick them up. There wasn't a single evening the children could spend at home because their father was away all the time. It was either her or Piney and it worried her that the old man wouldn't be able to keep up after she was gone.

Opie barely showed up, barely talked to anyone at all. She was hoping to have a few words with him but he deflected every single one of her attempts, and Jo wasn't certain if it would be a bright idea to push him just yet. Jax told her that Opie did some crazy shit the other day. The man acted like he had a deathwish and the more time Jo spent around him, the more she became convinced that indeed, he did want to die.

Despite of her fears, Jo had little room to change her mind. She balanced on a very thin line with Peter. The decision had to be made and in the end, she came to the conclusion that Jax, Opie, the club and everything was still in tact without her presence so it'd be alright for her to leave again. Ten years had past since she'd been gone and whilst there were new scars, new problems, new shit, they were still going strong and she wasn't needed.

They arrived late so everybody, the ladies, the guys were already there, crowded on the yard of the garage. The place was like a beehive, buzzying with the constant chatter, laughter, the debates and Jo inhaled deeply. This scene was so different from the posh parties that she was used to in recent years, she'd almost forgotten how nice it was just to sit on the top of a car, have a beer and enjoy herself without worrying about her behaviour.

Her eyes fell on Opie who stood alone, leaning against a wall with a bottle of beer in his hand and she sucked her bottomlip between her teeth. Should she give him some tough love? Was this the right time for it? Most likely, he wasn't ready for an ass kick yet. But she needed to go home and this couldn't go on for much longer with those poor kids.

"I'll be back in a minute." She patted a kiss on Peter's cheek. "Go, grab a beer." She smiled at him encouragingly when she saw the frown appear on his face.

"Of course. Go, do what you gotta do." He nodded, his tone slightly strained and she held back a frustrated growl.

"Listen, if you don't want to stay alone, just say so, okay? Do you not want me to leave you alone, Peter?" Her voice came out way harsher than she intended to but there was no taking it back now.

"No, I'm sorry." he sighed and ran a hand over his hair as he shook his head. "This is your last day here, I understand it." He stepped to her, craddled her face in his hands. "You should go and tie those knots. I'll be fine." He finished with a smile on his face and placed a soft kiss over her lips.

"Thank you. If you're uncomfortable, just go home, someone will give me a ride," she told him as she pulled out of his hold, her gaze wandering back to Opie again.

"I'll be fine. Do your thing," he replied but she already took off and headed towards her friend. The problem needed to be approached carefully, she couldn't pull the axe as she would usually. Opie was in a fragile state and kicking the door would not help at all.

"Hey." She smiled up at him as she leant against the wall besides him. Jo would have never thought she'd ever feel awkward in the presence of her best friend, even worse, she'd never thought that she'd have to feel such devastating sorrow or guilt for him.

"Hey." He stared into the crowd in front of them. His gaze were empty, his voice blunt like he was in autopilot mode and just reacted on habit.

"Op... about the kids," she started, tried to shoo the thoughts of Donna away. It was worse for him, it was worse for Jax, it was worse for the kids, she had no place to feel sorry for herself in this impossible situation.

"Thanks for helping with them," he replied before she could go on and she swallowed hard. Maybe she should stay just a little longer. No, she was already trying Peter's patience.

"I'm here, I help. You're family." She shrugged lightly, the wheels on her mind turning over and over again but she had to realize there was no easy or gentle way to talk about what was going on with him. "You have to get yourself together, Opie." There, she said it as blunt as ever.

"I'm here, I don't have more to offer," he said as he took a sip of his beer, not even looking at her. She closed her eyes and tried to count to ten but failed miserably, felt her anger rising in her system, washing over her forcefully.

"Listen, babe..." She stood in front of him, her voice turned hard. "You're in pain, and suffering and it's awful and I'm sorry but this must stop. Do you understand me? I've been through this as a child and I'm not going to let you put those kids through the same shit." His eyes were focused above her head, his expression blank like he didn't hear a single word of what she was saying. "Hey, look at me," she growled and grabbed his jaw hard, her fingers pressed against his bone and he finally moved his eyes to her. "They aren't going to lose both of their parents." For a moment Jo thought she saw a sparkle of understanding, something moving in his eyes. Maybe tough love was what he needed after all. Maybe she didn't completely screw her chance up to get through to him.

"Do you love him?" He asked and nodded towards Peter who was in a vivid conversation with Tara. Jo dropped her hand from Opie's jaw and glanced over her shoulder.

"Sure," she replied after a moment of hesitation. She loved Peter, he was the poster man of perfection; handsome, educated, had a great job, wasn't a terrible lover. Peter was someone she knew she could rely on, a very responsible and caring person. He was everything a woman could ask for. "I mean, he's a good guy, you know…" She added awkwardly as she took a sip of her drink, let the semi cool beer cool her suddenly burning cheeks.

Opie nodded silently and she leant back against the wall next to him. She loved Peter, she wouldn't want to marry him if she didn't.

"To the fucked up wagon." She looked up at her friend as he clicked his bottle to hers, and saw something that almost resembled a smile on his face. Her heart tightened in her chest, tears burnt in the back of her eyes as she thought of there might still be hope for him.

It'd be a great exaggaration to claim that Peter enjoyed the party. He felt just as out of place as he'd done during that first night at Joanie's godparents' place. A bunch of drunk, loud men and women weren't his kind of social group. He actually found it impressive that no one tried to kill someone yet. The only good part of the evening was having the luck to meet Jax's girlfriend. Tara was a shockingly smart and normal woman. He was having a difficult time to understand how or why someone like her would end up with Jax.

Fortunately, Joanie was ready to call it a night. Peter was more than happy to oblige and get the hell away from the garage and soon the entire town. It was going to be a relief when he could get her fiance back, the one he knew and loved, not this alternative version of her.

She just stepped next to him when a car rode into the garage and a few men got out. The noises died down completely and the air became thick with tension. His heart missed a beat by the sudden cutting silence. Clay walked up to them with Gemma on his side. Peter moved his gaze around and noticed he wasn't the only one with a tensed spine but everyone else as well.

Joanie stood besides him, Tare and Jax a couple of feet away from them. He wanted to move his attention back to her godparents when from the corner of his eyes he saw his fiance taking a step away from him in the exact same moment as Jax did the same. With every passing second they moved closed and closer to each other until their arms touched.

It was like watching a car running into a train and not being able to do anything about it. He was shocked to the core, the feeling numbed him. He didn't even realize how or when the men who disturbed the celebration left. Peter stood there, just staring at Jo and Jax completely stunned by what just happened.

"That's the JJs mystery," Tara commented with a bitter smile on her face as she stepped to him, her eyes also resting on their partners. "Don't think too much about it though. You leave with her and don't have to see it ever again,"

The JJs mistery, Peter thought bitterly. How could he be so stupid? How could he not put two and two together? It was way over time for them to go home to New York. He was happy he didn't try and convince her. He couldn't stand her there for even one more day. He couldn't get it out of his head that they barely scratched the surface of her ties to these people and who she was before.

Every information was like a slap in the face. She could use guns, practiced martial arts, smoked like a chimney, got a mark on her with another man's name. It was all too much. Peter didn't like this side of Jo, none of it, nor he liked the people of Charming, her bully of a godmother, and especially did not like Jax.

That night he went to sleep with the comforting thought that the nightmare would end next day and he'd have Joanie back to himself for good. That lasted right until the moment her cell started ringing in the middle of the night, the edgy voice of a guitar cut through the silence.

"Yeah," she answered with a hazy voice after she managed to knock something to the floor and cussed under her breath. "What?" Jo sat up in the bed and he didn't miss the alert in her voice. Even in the complet dark he could see as her entire body tensed up. "I'll be there in 10." She sprang out of the bed and Peter swallowed hard, watched her pulling her jeans up with rushed moves.

"What happened?" He asked when he realized that she wasn't about to give an explanation why she was getting dressed like someone was chasing her.

"Nothing. Go back to sleep," she said with a straight voice before she disappeared from the room.


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey Everybody! Thank you for the new faves/follows, and the reviews, they really mean so much, you can't even imagine it. Enjoy xoxo**

Jo sped through the empty streets, crossed every single red light, the tires were screeching as her feet pushed down the breaks. She jumped out of the car and ran to the house, shove the door open, her gaze wandered around nervously, looked for her godmother. She found Gemma in the living room, in the company of the chief.

Her godmother was beaten, badly, her face was bruised and already started swelling. She wrapped her arms around her middle, blood stains covered her top and skirt as well. One look at her and Jo knew the injuries were even worse than what the visible scars suggested. She needed no explanation, no answers because she was entirely certain of what happened.

Seeing Gemma in that state brought memories back to her; memories Jo wished she could have forgotten forever. There hadn't been a single day she hadn't thought about that day, the day that had changed her life for good and pushed her into a direction that was as far from everything that she'd known as possible.

 _FLASHBACK_

 _"_ _Our little girl grew up," Bobby joked as he brought out a giant birthday cake through the back door. It was her favourite raspberry and white chocolate, made by Mildred as all of the sweet goods in Charming._

 _"_ _Wow, seriously, I didn't think you would do anything." Jo clapped her hands together, excited. She really didn't think they would celebrate her birthday. Of course, she knew about the party that Gemma planned for her at the weekend however, Jo didn't expect the guys surprising her at the Clubhouse. Her gaze moved around the guys, and she silently said thanks to God that she got so many people who loved her and cared for her. One would think that losing parents would wreck you for your entire life but not if you had people who'd been there for you, the way that the club was there for her._

 _"_ _Don't forget to wish." Clay winked at her and she took a deep breath before she leant above her cake that had exactly 18 candles on the top of it. She was about to blow out the candles when she realized something, better say someone was missing._

 _"_ _Where is Jax?"She asked, her eyes moving through the small crowd. Everyone gathered there for her, maybe he was hiding in the back, ready to prank her by making her think that he forgot, that he wasn't there._

 _Awkward silence fell over them, all eyes glued to the floor. It was clear most of them wished to be anywhere but there in that moment. Jo didn't understand their reaction. Surely, it must have been a joke that her best friend didn't show up for her birthday._

 _"_ _Tara is back," Opie broke the heavy silence and Jo nodded without making a noise. Of course, if Tara was back that meant Jax would even miss her eighteenth birthday. It was only natural that he dumped her for the bitch who did nothing but made him feel awful for who he was. Jo was angry and disappointed beyond imaginable. He should have been there. They'd planned her eighteenth birthday for years. He was supposed to take her to the cliffs with a six pack, sharing her first legal booze with her. But times had changed in the last 2 years and she wasn't the centre of Jax's world any more._

 _That night Jo decided to meet up with Jo despite of Jax prohibiting her to go anywhere near the guy, especially without someone having her back. Her friend was adamant that the man was bad news and she had no business with him. However, Jo had enough of him acting like an overbearing big brother. He should have known that she was completely capable of taking care of herself. She needed no babysitter, she was not a child any more even if Jax treated her as one. This time though, she planned to prove him wrong._

 _Everything was perfect for a while. Sean turned out to be a real gentleman. He was attentive, charming and funny. Jo enjoyed their date more than she believed she would. This was true right until he started touching more than she wanted him to and at places on her body where his hands certainly had no business. Jo caught a couple of punches and kicks but it could have ended much worse for her if not for those martial art classes that Jax had demanded her to attend years ago. She got away with some bruises and lightly damaged ribs, and she knew she belonged to the lucky ones. It could have ended way worse._

 _She walked the streets of Charming alone, her arms wrapped around her middle, her limbs still shaking from the terror and the adrenalin rush. She was trying not to think about what had happened. Unlike her body, her mind was completely numb. That was the night when she decided it was time to move somewhere far from Jackson Teller. It would be difficult to try and find a reason as to why she blamed her best friend for what happened to her. After all, he warned her not to go near Sean. Yet Jo couldn't think of reason. She was hurt and scared and there was no one to even turn to because her best friend would just tell her that he'd told her so._

 _Something had broken between them and there was no going back this time, it could not have been repaired. Jo didn't know what she would do or where she would go but she desperately needed distance from Jax. She'd done some rather stupid shit like a child who wanted attention and that had to stop._

 _When she got back to the clubhouse nobody was there, only a shakily written message waited for her: "Jax got shot. Where the hell are you?" For a moment panic took over. She couldn't breath, her heart tightened in her chest and she bent into two as she struggled for air. She was not there. He was hurt and she was not there. Those words kept repeating on her mind over and over again, guilt washed over her entire being like an ice cold wave._

 _She couldn't let herself wallow for too long though. He needed her and there was no place for her to fall apart. Maybe later, later when no one was hurt, later when she had a chance to process everything that happened in such a short period of time._

 _She got into her car and drove through the town like the feds were chasing her. She ignored the silent screams of her body to not only slow down but stop entirely and just lay down, let the healing begin. There was nothing on her mind but that Jax was hurt and she wasn't there for him._

 _FLASHBACK END_

"There were three of them," Gemma said as Jo cleaned her wounds. She didn't push for information. The subject was so sensitive, she was aware her godmother would share in her own pace. "They wanted me to give a message to Clay. That this will happen again if we don't stop selling armour." Jo didn't say a single word. Her thoughts were narrowed to the current problem. She couldn't let herself think about why or how this could have happened or that if she'd stayed, she'd might have ended up the same way. She couldn't let herself think too deeply about how the club needed changes, big ones and pull out of the illegal business; something that Jax worked his ass off for. Concentrate on the issue in front of yourself, she repeated over and over again.

"We have to tell Clay." The chief shook his head and ran a hand over his face. He looked careworn and scared, more terrified that either of the two women. What was it that made them so tough, so hard to phase? Was it the years of dark secrets piled up? Was it all the violence, the blood shed that made both of them tougher than it was healthy?

"No," Gemma stated firmly, both her voice and features hardened. "If I tell him or Jax, they will get what they want. I won't let that happen." Jo still kept her mouth shut. There was no way she could argue with her godmother. As horrible as it was, she was aware that the older woman was right. They could not tell any of them, not yet at least.

"Gemma, I can't do anything here. You have to go to a hospital," Jo said, quietly as she dropped the bloody cotton balls into the bin at her feet.

"I told you nobody could know about this," Gemma groaned deeply and she sighed. Jo agreed, all the way but there was no way she wouldn't get the needed attention for her godmother. She bit her bottom lip, her mind turned over and over again in circles and finally, an idea popped up in her head.

"I have a friend in a hospital only a town away. I'll call her. Let's hope she still works there." There was no other way around the issue. Gemma needed to get looked at but there was no way she could go to the local hospital, especially not with Tara there. Jo could imagine the scandal and massacre that would lead to.

"Okay." Gemma nodded in agreement and Jo grabbed her phone, prayed her friend who she hadn't talked to since she'd left was still working there.

"Tina Holloway talking," she answered after about the fifth ring and Jo let out a sigh. At least her number hadn't changed.

"Hey, Tina. It's Jo Jameson," she said as if it was the most natural thing that she called after a decade. Jo had an ability to find the right voice with everyone, also the ability to make people think she was doing them a favour and not the other way around.

"Raven? The biker girl?" She sounded surprised, a little bit in disbelief but Jo gave her no time to wonder too much about how odd it was for her to call her now.

"Yeah, it's me. Listen..."

"I haven't heard about you in years. What's going on with you?" Tina cut her off excited and she rolled her eyes. The girl had always been bubbly, apparently that hadn't changed.

"I'm fine. But I need a favour." She had no plan to beat around the bush. Jo had no doubt if Tina was still an employee of the hospital, she'd help them.

"Are you in trouble?" Tina asked with a slightly strangled voice.

"Not me. Listen, one of my friends got some serious hits and she was…" Jo swallowed hard, the word was stuck in her throat for a moment before she forced herself to go on. If Gemma could handle it with her head held high, so could she. "She was raped."

"Oh my god," Tina gasped with a shaky voice. "My shift ended but I'm still here so I'll wait for you," she replied quietly and Jo let out a sigh of relief. They could make this work.

"Thanks." She ended the call and nodded to Gemma. If nothing else, at least she could do this for her.

"They'll see the bruises on her face," the chief whispered to Jo as they walked out to the cars. As if she hadn't thought of that. As soon as she'd known her godmother would get the needed help, her mind jumped to the next problem that had to be solved.

"I know. I'll figure something out." If she could lie to Oppie about the death of his wife, she sure could lie to everyone else. For a moment, it pressed down on her how quickly everything seemed to spiral out of control since she'd been back in town. It was so easy to fall back into old patterns, the secrets, the lies... She was keeping things from her fiancé, from her best friend and slowly from everyone she'd ever crossed path with.

She was pacing in the waiting room when Clay and Jax arrived, all of the guys crowded after them and she took a shaky breath. Jo tried not to let the past bleed through to the present but it was a losing battle.

 _FLASHBACK_

 _Jo ran through the hospital completely out of breath. Her ribs were killing her, her right eye swelled up, there was blood spilling from the bruise on her knee but she didn't stop. She needed to find her godparents or anyone who could tell her what had happened to Jax. She leant on her knees, panted heavily when finally, her gaze fell on the unusual crowd as they gathered around a doctor._

 _"_ _He will be fine. The bullet didn't hit anything important and it went through his arm. We gave him some very strong painkillers so he won't be up for hours," the doctor explained and Jo felt the tears welling up in the back of her eyes. He was going to be alright._

 _"_ _Thank you," Gemma nodded with a stoic expression on her face. They watched the doctor shuffle away silently. No one even realized Jo was there until Oppie's gaze fell on her and he took a sharp breath._

 _"_ _Jesus, what the fuck did happen to you?" His eyes widened with horror as he stared at her and suddenly all eyes were on her._

 _"_ _Nothing," she replied while her body shook both from the pain and the adrenalin that was slowly running out of her system. Her body was trembling so bad, the truth was that it was a small miracle she could still stand on her feet._

 _The questions started raining at her and she felt nauseous suddenly. It was overwhelming, all of it, she just wanted some silence to pull her shit together before she'd pass out. Her hands reached out for the wall to steady herself. Her vision blurred for a moment before Gemma's hard voice cut into the mass of noises._

 _"_ _Shut the fuck up all of you!" They all fell silent, and Jo let out a sigh of relief. For a change, silence was welcomed._

 _"_ _You have to see a doctor, honey." Gemma stepped to her and placed a hand softly on her shoulder. Jo shook her head, swallowed hard to gather the rest of her strength to shape the words she wanted to say._

 _"_ _I don't need a doctor," she stated as she straightened up, a small hiss escaped her lips as her ribs moved. "I just want to be be with Jax when he wakes up," she said in a small voice._

 _FLASHBACK END_

Jo panicked, unsure if the chief had hold up his end of the bargain and kept his mouth shut. She was completely aware where and what the truth would lead to. She was also certain if the chief ratted them out, Gemma would kill both of them. They probably wouldn't be there if they knew the truth, Jo tried to calm herself down. She knew them, she knew them better than to think the first thing they'd do would be visit Gemma. No, they'd already be out on the streets, hunting down those bastards who hurt her godmother.

"How is she?" Clay asked, concern deepened the features on his face, his voice was softer than usually.

"I hope better than her car," Tig cut in before Jo could reply and she let out a sigh of relief. A car accident was not only a good cover regarding the visible scars but also believable enough that they wouldn't suspect that something was off.

"She'll be fine. They have to run few more tests and she can go home," Jo lied without wasting a single moment. This came as easily as if it was her second nature to do it. She should be disturbed about it but she had no energy left to waste on such thoughts.

"What did you even do here?" Jax asked with a huff.

"We wanted to go shopping." Jo shrugged, and glanced away. She hoped Jax had lost his talent over the years to be able to detect her lying because if he hadn't, they'd be screwed. "I'll go, check on her," she excused herself quickly before the blush she felt colouring her cheeks could get any worse.

She walked into the room where Gemma was laid for the time of the exams. Tina walked up to her, explained that it was all she could do that she ran the tests.

"Thanks for everything," Jo told her and Tina pulled her into a hug. It was beyond awkward as Jo patted her shoulder before she pulled away.

"It's okay. I'll call you with the results," Tina told her before she turned to leave. Jo waited for the door to close behind her before she turned to her godmother.

"They are here," she said, knowing it was for the best to get Gemma ready for them. She needed to be aware of it, otherwise their story could slip.

"Oh, that bastard," she cursed under her breath, her swelled face pulled into a grimace.

"No, no. He didn't say anything or at least not the truth," Jo explained quickly before she could work herself up that they'd been sold out. "We were here to shopping and you crashed the car."

"Smart." Gemma nodded with a sigh and sat up slowly.

"You know you'll have to talk about this at one point though." Jo sat next to her and placed a hand over her knee.

"Eventually." She looked away, her features hardened, her lips set into a straight line and Jo sighed again. She wondered which one was going to be the tougher ride, getting her godmother talk about what happened or to know what the result of this was going to be.

"Sooner rather than later," she said with a firm tone before she pulled Gemma into a careful hug. "I'm sorry."

 _FLASHBACK_

 _"_ _I told you not to hang out with that bastard," Jax practically yelled, the white walls echoed his voice and Jo winced. "What the hell is wrong with you, Raven?"_

 _There was no point to argue. He was right. What she did was stupid and reckless and yes, he had told her so. She should have listened to him. What else was there to talk about? Nothing. What happened, had happened and there was no way to make it back._

 _"_ _I'm sorry, Jax. I can't do this any more." Her eyes filled with tears, the lump in her throat grew so big she could barely breath._

 _She'd been sitting all night by the side of Jax's bed, just waited for him to come around. The silence, the steady beeping of the machines, the monotony of it all had helped to clear her mind. She had time and opportunity to think everything over. That time was enough for Jo to realize she didn't even know who she was. She was nothing without the club, without Jax. That needed to change, must change. She had to find herself, to figure what she wanted to do with her life now that she finally accepted the fact Jax didn't want her the way she wanted him._

 _"_ _What are you talking about?" Jax frowned at her, completely dumbfounded by her words._

 _"_ _You, me, the club, everything..." She ran her hand through her hair and swallowed her tears down. "I don't even know who I am without you. I've gotta find myself."_

 _"_ _Did Sean hit you on the head?" He asked with irritation soaking through his voice as he narrowed his eyes at her. "If you start to talk about the American dream, I'll call a doctor."_

 _"_ _I'm leaving, Jax." Jo raised her gaze to meet Jax's eyes. She needed him to see that she was serious, that this wasn't an empty threat, that she didn't do this to get attention._

 _He stared at her expressionlessly, his face shut down. Her statement seemed to shock him so much he even forgot to yell._

 _"_ _Jax?" Jo watched him, her hands clutched the end of the bed so tightly, her knuckles turned white._

 _"_ _Fine." He shrugged and turned on his side, closed his eyes. Jo opened her mouth to say something, anything that could sting as bad as his reaction but nothing came to her mind._

 _"_ _That's it?" She huffed after a couple of moments. Her eyes narrowed at him, disappointment and rage mixed in her voice. "Fine?"_

 _"_ _Yeah, fine." Jax snorted. "Do whatever the hell you want. Go find yourself."_

 _FLASHBACK END_

"Do you need a ride?" Jax asked when Jo surfaced from Gemma's room and told Clay it was alright for him to go and see her.

"No. My car is here," she replied with a shake of her head. She was dead tired. She'd only slept about an hour before the chief had called. What had happened with her godmother... There was no escaping the thoughts about the true nature of the club any more. When she'd been younger all she'd seen was the bond, the family and she'd simply looked the other way when things that hadn't fit her world view had been mentioned. As a kid she'd convinced herself nothing bad could happen until they'd been together. However, that was nothing but a fairytale.

"I'll send one of the guys to take it home. You look ready to pass out. I'm not going to let you drive like this," Jax stated and put his arms around Jo's shoulders, pulled her body to his. She didn't try to resist, just let him guide her through the hallways because she needed the comfort, she needed to feel something was still real, that something wasn't just made up by her and Jax offered exactly that.


	6. Chapter 6

**Hey Everybody! Thank you for the new faves/follows, and the reviews, they really mean the world. Enjoy xoxo**

"Thanks for bringing me home," Jo said with a tired smile on her face as she got off from the bike. She stretched her arms above her head and yawned, happy she'd managed to stay awake on the way home. Jax would have been pissed if she'd ended up falling off from behind him.

"Anytime," he replied with a small shrug, his eyes followed her towards the house. She could feel his gaze in her back and wondered if he was going to say something or decide to just let it go. "Raven?"

"Yeah?" She turned back to him and rubbed her eyes. All she wanted was to hit the covers and sleep this nightmare out. Piney'd already taken the kids, Abel was with one of the guys so she'd had nothing to do but to try and process the horror Gemma'd gone through.

"You will stay, won't you?" Jax asked with a soft tone, glanced away almost as if he was afraid of what her answer would be.

Jo swallowed hard and ran a hand over her hair with a careworn expression over her face. Had she thought about it after what had just happened? Yes. How could she not? On the other hand, she had to think of Peter, and what his reaction would be if she stayed any longer. While she'd been waiting for Gemma in the hospital she'd gone through all the options and the possible outcomes as well. The reasonable choice was to go back to her life. It was a head or heart decision and she had to go with her head.

However, now she wasn't certain that she could go and leave all of them behind. One look at Jax's face and she could tell how lost he was, how much he needed someone who he could trust, who he could talk to no matter what. And then there was Gemma as well. How was she supposed to walk off while she was aware that no one besides her knew about what happened to her godmother? What kind of a person would that make her if she left them now?

"Yeah, I will." She nodded with a sigh and turned towards the house again only to find Peter standing there. The vain at the side of his neck was pumping furiously against his skin. His cheeks were flaming up, the scarlet colour reached his ears quickly.

"You will what?" The edge in his voice made her cringe. She was too exhausted to have a fight but the expression on his face made it clear, it was unavoidable at this point. His eyes were blazing as he moved his gaze between Jax and her, made it quite clear unlike Jo, he was more than ready to have a giant argument.

"I have to stay." She sighed, brushed a lock of hair out of her face and bit her bottomlip nervously. This was not going to go down well with him.

"You don't have to do anything, Joanie." Peter raised his voice, shock, anger, disappointment coloured his words and she glanced away. "You can just come home and that's it." She could, yes. But she wouldn't be able to look into the mirror if she left her people at a stage like this. She needed to know they were all okay. She needed to know that when she was gone, no children was going to be abandoned, no one needed a shoulder to cry on, no one had a dark secret the size of the Mount Everest that they carried alone.

"You don't understand, Peter." She shook her head, knowing she didn't even stand a chance explaining herself without revealing the truth about Gemma, about Oppie, about the club and neither of that was an option. She'd rather take his fury than even think about telling any of that shit to him.

"Jesus, she was right." He snorted, ran a hand through his dark hair as he shook his head. His laugh had a cutting edge to it that made Jo frown.

"Who was right about what?" She had no idea what her fiance was talking about but clearly, it was something that he was carrying around for a while.

"Gemma was right that you won't ever leave this hell hole again," Peter yelled into her face and she took a step back instinctively. Her eyes widened as she watched him panting heavily. Never he'd even come close to talk to her in that way. She wasn't sure how she should react. For god' sake, they hadn't even had a fight before and now he was screaming from the top of his lungs at her. If it was anyone else but him, she'd very well know what to do and would be able to stand her ground with ease but with Peter it was different. They'd always been able to make a compromise without trying to kill each other. Their relationship was rock solid, like an ocean without storms.

"Calm down, man. Don't you talk to her that way," Jax said in a low voice as he stepped besides Jo. She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply but didn't move. She knew that voice and she knew what it meant. One wrong move from Peter and Jax was going to put him into hospital.

"Stay out of it, Jax," she said and placed a soothing hand over his arm, his strained muscles moved under her fingers and she moved her gaze to his face, pleading silently. For one, the last thing she wanted was the two men going against each other, especially that she knew the outcome, and two, the last thing that could possibly be helpful was Jax appearing as her knight in shining armour. "Peter, listen…" She started with a calm voice but was cut off instantly.

"No, you listen to me, Joanie." Peter scoffed as his gaze fell on her hand over Jax's arm before he moved his eyes back to her face with a glare. "You realize your wedding will be in less than 2 month, don't you?"

"Of course, I'm aware of it," she replied, slightly annoyed with the tone he used. How could she freaking forget about her own wedding? But two months was two months, at the moment it meant all the time in the world for her. "But your sister's in charge," she replied with a shrug. "I don't even have a single word about it. I only have to keep my weight and be there."

Peter's sister made it quite clear she wanted to plan the wedding. Jo only had to choose the dress and other than that she didn't have more word about what her wedding would be like. But she didn't have a problem with it. She was even thankful his sister would do everything because the truth was, Jo never liked those kind of big events, let alone organizing them.

If it was up to her, they would marry in a church, with no one but the witnesses there. But of course, that was out of question with a family like Peter's. They had to go with big, no, wait a giant spectacular wedding so all of their friends would see they could afford it, and it would also be good for Peter and Jo to get new clients. The business never sleeps, right?

"I don't even know you." Peter threw his arms in the air and turned his back to her for a moment. Jo frowned at him again, let go of Jax's arm and stepped to her fiance, lightly touching his shoulder. It hurt when he flinched and shrugged out from under her hold, she wasn't even going to try and deny that.

"I'm still Jo, the girl you met at university," she said quietly. Of course, things were a little bit rough now and things didn't entirely go his way and Jo was aware of how much he hated that but he was out of line.

"No, I don't know Jo, I only know Joanie and I don't know where she is or if she's even real at all." Jo opened her mouth to reply then closed it and sucked in her bottomlip. What was she supposed to say to that? That Joanie was a perfectly manufactured alias of her that she'd created when she'd run away? That maybe he was right and the last decade of her life was built on a complete lie and she was fake, they were fake, everything in the last ten years had been just pretending?

Peter nodded with a grimace running over his features before he brushed passed by her, sat in the car and drove off with the tires screeching. What if he was right and deep down she was still the same biker girl with dirt in her heart and soul and what if it could never be washed away? What if she just put fancy clothes over a broken, rusty doll to make it look pretty but underneath it all, she was still just that shattered, filthy girl from Charming who loved breaking into bakeries when she fancied some cookies?

Jo couldn't answer to that. She just stood there stunned, watched her fiance driving away, not knowing what to say or think anymore. What if Peter was right and the last 10 years of her life was fake? What if he was right and she was always the biker girl, she just pretended to be someone else? No, that was stupid. She knew who she was, she was both of those women, and she was also the woman who loved Peter. Things had just gotten a little complicated lately but as always, they would deal with this as well.

"He's a jerk." Jax smirked at her as he put an arm around her shoulders and walked into the house with her. Jo shrugged out from under his hold and headed to the kitchen to make a coffee. There was no way she would be able to get any sleep now.

"No, he's not. I guess, it's just too much for him." She rubbed the back of her neck and switched the coffee machine on. She could understand, truly. To be fair, this was all her fault. She should have gotten him ready, tell him about her baggages at least a few more details. "This side of me, the club, you…" Jo wasn't stupid. She was certain what really rubbed Peter in the wrong way was Jax. Everything else, he'd put up with but their friendship seemed to cross the line.

"He'd better learn to deal with me," Jax stated as he leant against the sink next to her. "I'm not letting you out of my sight again. I'm your best friend." He pulled Jo to his side and placed a small kiss on the top of her head. This really shouldn't feel as nice as it did but they'd been friends for too long to feel bad about it.

"I wish it would be that easy..." Jo muttered under her breath as she leant into him, her hand rested over his heart, and she felt her heartbeat finally slowing down.

"It is that easy. You belong to me. End of story." Jax shrugged and looked down to her, his blue eyes bored into hers and Jo chuckled lightly, decided it was the best option to ignore how her heart just skipped a beat.

"Caveman." She smacked him playfully as she pulled away and switched the coffee machine off, busied herself with getting the mugs.

"Always," Jax replied with a lazy smirk appearing around the corner of his mouth as he ran his tongue over his bottomlip and Jo rolled her eyes. That man was the worst ever, good job he didn't pull shit like that in front of Peter.


	7. Chapter 7

**I forgot to update last week so surprise, two chapters in a row! Enjoy xx**

Jo turned in the bed restlessly. She couldn't even close her eyes, let alone sleep a single minute. Her mind was full of Peter. She'd tried to reach him all day but he hadn't answered the phone. In the end Jo could understand him. After all he probably thought that she bailed on him. Who wouldn't have? On the other hand she was also angry with him. She might not be the perfect girl he'd imagined she was but Jo thought higher of him than being someone who couldn't handle some unexpected events or get bent out of shape for finding out there might be more to her than what he'd known so far.

What really pissed her off though, was that he wasn't able to fathom that her family was in need. These people had been there for her at a point in her life when both him and his family would have likely resented her. When his sister'd been in trouble – what meant her boyfriend cheated on her, nothing as serious as what her people had to deal with – Peter'd done everything in his power to help her. She'd moved in with them for half a year with her dog even though Peter was allergic to the hair. Yet, it'd been completely natural that they'd given her a helping hand.

Jo stiffened, alarmed immediately when she heard a car stopping in front of the house. The guys were out, dealing with club business so she was on her own, aware of the fact nobody would be there to protect her if anything was to happen. Not that she really needed protection though. She reached under the pillow for her gun when she heard a knock on the door. Her fingers tightened around the base and she rolled out of the bed, went to the window with her back bent. She couldn't see a single thing as she peaked out, not even the car that she'd heard stopping somewhere close.

There was a knock on the door and her body stiffened alerted. If anyone was here to kill you, they wouldn't knock, she scolded herself with a roll of her eyes. However, she remained cautious, her limbs tensed as she tiptoed to the door as quietly as possible with the old wooden floor creaking under her feet in the still, silent air. She stopped at the door without turning the lights on and took a deep breath.

"Who is it?" She asked, her grip on the gun firm, the safety off, ready to fire any person who stood at the other side and she didn't know.

"It's me… Peter." Jo let out a sigh she hadn't even realized she'd been holding. Her hold on the weapon lightened and she pushed the safety back. The tension quickly ran out of her body as soon as she'd heard his muffled voice. She put the gun on the small table next to the door and turned the lights on, in the hall before she turned to open the door.

Peter looked at her with a sigh as he rubbed the back of his neck. She certainly wasn't the only one having trouble with sleeping. His eyes fell to the gun on the table and his face pulled into a grimace.

"God," he scoffed, closed his eyes and shook his head, his hand falling to his side.

"It's only for being guarded, just in case," Jo said, and cursed herself mentally for putting the weapon into his line of sight. She should be more cautious. Where the hell did she put her right mind? "Would you like to come in?" She asked, cleared her throat and took a small step to the side so he'd have a free path inside.

"Yeah." Peter nodded, moving past by her with heavy steps, avoiding to even glance at her. She let out a sigh and closed the door after her eyes scanned the area.

Peter sat to the table, his fingers entwined above the top as he watched Jo stopping in front of him, and leaning against the sink. An awkward silence fell over them and Jo reached for the pack of cigarette that laid on the the top of the counter next to her fingers. Peter raised an eyebrow when Jo lit the cigarette and he shook his head in disbelief.

"Okay, this is insane," he exclaimed finally with a shake of his head as she breathed the smoke out.

"I know and I'm sorry you had to realize I'm not perfect," Jo said with a firm voice. She kept his gaze, unwavering. She had nothing to be ashame of, nothing at all. "But remember, Peter, you wanted me to come back. Now the cat is out of the box and it might not be pretty and you might not like it but this is also me." The edge in her voice made him look away. She bit her bottomlip and waited for him to say something.

"Joanie…" He sighed as he ran a hand over his hair before he stood from the table and stepped to her. "It isn't about you not being perfect," he stated, took the cigarette from her hand and dropped it into the ashtray. He placed his index finger under her chin and lifted it, so he could meet her gaze.

"It's just that…," He swallowed, trying to find the words, the right words to say, to explain how terrifying everything had become in a blink of an eye. No, he didn't like Jo from Charming who smoked and dressed like a biker slut but his Joanie was in there as well and he had no idea how to reach her. "It feels like you're shutting me out… Like you're slipping away fast and unstoppabbly."

"I'm not." Jo shook her head and took his hand from her face into her own. She felt like shit for making him feel that way but she didn't know what else she could to reassure him other than try and explain that this was a family emergency. "You know I love you."

"I'm not so sure about that anymore," Peter pulled his hand from hers and glanced away. Jo's heart skipped a beat, and she opened her mouth to say something, anything but she wasn't even certain what to say anymore.

"What? How can you say that?" She asked after a couple of moments spent in heavy silence. Yes, she knew it was rough for Peter to accept that she had to stay in Charming for a little longer and that he wasn't fan of the idea of her spending more time with Jax but... Jo bit her bottomlip, her fingers tapped against the edge of the sink. She felt like she was being torn into two. Clearly, for Peter everything she'd done for the club represented some kind of betrayal but for her, leaving them now would have turned her into a traitor.

"What about Jax, Joanie?" His eyes were set on her, watching her close. He meant to ask that question for quite a while. They were too close, way too close for his like.

"Jax is…" Jo started with the intention to explain that they were only friends but 'Smoke On The Water' began booming from her cell, cutting her off. She sucked her bottomlip between her teeth and rubbed the back of her neck uncomfortably. She knew perfectly well who was calling in the middle of the night. She stood there, unmoving, her gaze moved between

She shuffled uncomfortable, knowing it was Jax. Jo stood there unmoving, gazing the phone on the table and Peter in front of her, trying to figure out what to do.

„I should get that," she said quietly, moving around Peter, feeling his eyes on her back.

„I'm here," she answered the phone, turning to Peter, seeing him staring out of the window.

„We need you in the clubhouse, now," Jax said, hurridly and Jo could tell he was in a car.

„Why exactly?" she asked back, annoyed. She wasn't one of his pets. If he said jump, she wouldn't ask how high.

„Because I asked you, dammit," Jax said irritated, the noise of the others coming through the line.

„You commanded, didn't ask. There's a difference…" she wanted to continue but Jax cut her off.

„Bobby got shot. So please, Jo, would you be so nice to come to the clubhouse?" Jax said, mocking her.

She moved her gaze to Peter again, sighing.

„Yeah, I'll be there," she ended the call, clearing her throat. „I gotta go."

„What happened?" Peter asked, watching her pulling out the bag she kept the first aid stuff from under the skin.

Jo looked up at him, throwing the bag over her shoulders, trying to choose between truth and lie.

„One of the guys fell with the bike and you know how they are, not fan of hospitals and all," the words rushed out of her rapidly. „We'll finish this when I'm back, okay?"

Peter eyed her cautiously, obviously not entirely believing what she said.

„Peter?" Jo asked an eyebrow.

„Yeah, go," he said, looking away.

„I'll try to hurry," Jo gave a kiss to him, starting out.

* * *

„You know old man, next time you wanna see me, just give me a call," Jo patted Bobby on the shoulder after getting rid of the bullet.

„What? Don't you appreciate what I'm willing to do for you?" Bobby laughed, taking a huge sip of whiskey.

„Of course I do. I might even marry you," Jo giggled, standing up when her phone buzzed in her pocket. 'One new message', she read on the screen.

'You need some time to come clear. It's the best if we don't talk for a while. Call me when you're ready to let me in. Peter'

She stood there, completely forgetting about the world around her.

„Hey, baby girl, can you check out Jax, too?" Gemma stepped to her, bringing Jo out of her daze.

„What?" she looked up from the phone, dumbly.

„Jax got a cut on his forehead, it should be cleaned," Gemma said slowly. „Are you alright?"

„Peachy," Jo put the mobile back in her pocket, moving to Jax.

She sat down in front of him, avoiding looking at him. She was beyond pissed about everything and just wanted out.

„It will sting," she said, pouring antiseptic on a ball of cotton, pushing it against the wound on Jax's forehead.

He flinched a little but the face what Jo wore bothered him more.

„What's the matter?" he asked, studying her hard features.

„You're done," she said, practically kicking out the chair from under her as she stood up.

„What the fuck?" She heard Jax's cursing under his breath.

She grabbed her bag and rushed out, knocking everyone out of her way, knowing she would explode if anyone said a single word to her.

„Jo!" Jax's voice came from behind her as she pushed the door open.

The chilly air hit her and she breathed in deeply, the fresh air cooling her slightly.

„What the hell happened?" Jax asked, finally catching up with her.

„Nothing," Jo glared at him before starting to her car.

„What's going on?" Tig watched cautiously as she passed by him with Jax hot on her heels.

„You know, Jax, I was wondering why Tara isn't here," Jo turned to Jax suddenly, her eyes throwing lightnings at him.

„What?" he stopped in half step, staring at her dumbfounded.

„You know, your girlfriend who just happened to be a doctor," Jo answered, throwing the bag with the first aid stuff in the car, circiling the chain of her post bag around her fingers.

„I don't see how that's important now but she doesn't wanna get involved with club business," Jax answered.

„Oh, so princess still doesn't want her hands getting dirty. How sweet," Jo snorted.

„She doesn't wanna get into this shit. So what?" Jax threw his arms in the air.

„Great. You even like it, don't you?" Jo glared at him. „Funny how it doesn't seem to be a problem with me. It's just fine for Jo to get her hands bloody, to put the weight of the world on her shoulders. Just ordering Jo around because, hey this is Jo, she belongs to you, right? Well, let me enlighten you, Jax, I don't belong to you, never did because you never wanted me. And about Tara? I think it's ridiculous how she can't accept the club because you are the club. If she doesn't love SAMCRO, she doesn't love you."

„You sound like Gemma," Jax said, glaring back at her.

„Have you ever thought maybe because we're right?" Jo snorted.

„No. I think that's only because you're still jealous," Jax snapped back.

„If you think I'm still a jealous little girl, then I'm not the one who has to grow up, Teller," Jo said, tearing off the chain from her postbag, throwing the ring from it into Jax's face before getting into the car, shutting the door loudly.


	8. Chapter 8

**Hey guys! Thank you so much for the new faves and reviews again! I really appreciate it so much. Thank you for reading! Enjoy xx**

"Hey," Opie sat next to Jax, took a drag of his cigatette. His eyes were sat ahead, unfocused on the cars parked in the garage. That was his usual state since Donna's death, there was hardly anything that could phase him.

"What's up?" Jax looked at him, pushed his sunglasses to his nose as he squinted against the sun.

"You shouldn't have told Jo that she was jealous." Opie exhaled with a shake of his head. "Man, the girl is pissed," he added with a light chuckle.

"Say something I don't know." Jax snorted with a roll of his eyes.

Jo wasn't the only one who was pissed though. Maybe he shouldn't have told her that but he was sick and tired of hearing the same old story. To start with he really believed that Jo's jealousy was part of the issue so his words had truth in them. Also, she acted like a child, like they travelled 10 years back in time. Not to mention, what the hell that meant she didn't belong to him because he had never wanted her. The hell not. Jo Jameson was a part of him as much as his tattoo, or even any of his ribs.

"And what are you going to do about it?" Opie glanced at him from the corner of his eyes.

"She will come around sooner or later." Jax shrugged. She always did, he didn't see any reason why wouldn't she now. Back in days during the last 2 years they'd had several arguments like this. It wasn't surprising they'd clashed again. Both of their nerves were strained to the limit and the collusion was unavoidable.

"Peter wants to take a break. She risks everything for the club," Opie said with an edge in his voice, showed more emotion than in the last couple of weeks altogether. Jax narrowed his eyes and lit a cigarette. The information was new to him and explained Jo's sudden fit of rage perfectly, except that it shouldn't have been directed at him.

"It's for the best. What's his face isn't the man for her," he said, a feeling of undeniable satisfaction spread over his entire being. He was pleased with this twist of events and didn't even try to hide it. From the first moment he found her fiance weak. Clearly, if he'd left -and Jax hoped for good as well- he was right to think that way of the other man.

"Who is?" Opie asked with a raised eyebrow.

'Who is?' The question haunted Jax all day after the little chat with Opie. He didn't know the answer but Peter wasn't the one, he knew that for sure. Jo deserved someone who had gutts, who knew her inside out, who saw through the facade she put up, someone who she could be honest with, who she could trust. This man didn't even know her from what he could tell.

Jax stopped the bike in front of the house and took a deep sigh before he started towards the door. Dealing with an angry Jo was something what terrified even him, the memories of all the fights they'd had in the past were still vived.

He opened the door, music filled the air, the familiar tune brought a smile upon his face. 'Sweet Child O'Mine' played louder as he walked to the kitchen. The sight that welcomed him warmed his heart. Abel sat at the table, Jo danced around him, singing along with the radio that his son naturally found rather entertaining and commented with little giggles. Jax leant against the doorframe, his gaze rested on Jo as her hips swayed from side to side and she bounced with the rhythm.

"This always reminds me of you," he said softly. Jo's body stiffened at the very moment the first word left his lips.

"Don't sneak up on me," Jo growled, lowered the volume of the radio.

"Did I scare you?" Jax chuckled as he pushed away from the door, walked to Abel and patted a kiss on the top of his head.

"No. But I almost throw a knife right into your heart." Jo turned to face him, a knife held tight in her grip as she waved it in front of her face. Jax's lips pulled into a smirk. This was exactly why Peter would never be able to keep up with the real her.

"About what happened." He cleared his throat, and leant back against the cupboard. "We were both stressed. Let's forget about it."

Jo moved her gaze to him, her eyes flashed dangerously, her hand tightened around the knife. Maybe he should have waited for her to put that away before he'd brought the subject up. Her expression made it clear, she'd be more than happy to cut his balls off. The air was static with tension. Her lips set to a straight line and Jax rubbed the back of his neck.

"I brought this back." He put the ring next to her hand, expected Jo to reach for it, instead she just narrowed her eyes at him.

"Screw you, Jax," she said with a strained voice. "Do you seriously think this is all it takes, that this will solve anything?" She snapped and tossed the ring away. "I don't need it."

"So I still get the cold shoulder…" He groaned, grabbed the ring and stuffed it into his pocket. Sooner or later she'd want it back just like she'd wanted her helmet. putting the ring in his pocket. „I hope you realize I wasn't the one who chased your man away." Her spine went completely rigid, her jaws ticked. The knife crashed against the counter top, the top of the blade catching the wood, the metal digging a hole into it, the knife standing up straight, bouncing slightly side to side. Evidently, he was right and she should never have any weapon in her hand while pissed.

Jax watched, his own anger and frustration rising as well. His fists clenched, the annoyance washed over him like hot lava.

"Dammit, woman!" Jax raised his voice, his hands crashing against the counter loud. "I apologized, what else do you want?

A loud sob bursted from Abel, his face turned red as he shook, startled by the sudden violent noises. Jo closed her eyes for a moment, her own hands tightened into fists as she inhaled deeply to keep her voice steady.

"Nice move, Teller," she groaned quietly before she stepped to Abel and picked him into her arms. She placed soft kisses over his flaming cheeks, bounced him in her arms lightly in attempt to sooth him as she passed by Jax and headed towards the room.

"By the way…" She turned back to him, her voice cutting. "Apology starts with a sorry."

Jax watched her disappear into the room and rubbed his face. This was new. Used to it'd been enough if he'd just cracked a joke or made a half ass attempt like hug her. However, Jo wasn't the same anymore, she wasn't a child, she didn't hang on every word he said anymore. She'd grown into one hard headed woman, just like he'd always expected it to happen. But he'd missed the progress and now had to try and get used to the thought. He couldn't treat her like a kid anymore.

He pushed away from the counter as he heard the backdoor clicking quietly and followed Jo outside. She was sitting on the steps, cigarette in her hand, her hair lightly blown by the wind. Her body tensed again immediately when he sat next to her and lit a cigarette as well. They sat in silence for a couple of minutes, just stared ahead. Jax sighed deeply, turned his gaze to her face, her lips were set in a thin line, her jaws tensed, her fingers shaking lightly with each drag she took of the cigarette. He sucked his lips between his teeth. It was time to do what he knew she wanted him to do.

"I'm sorry," he said finally as he glanced away from her stubborn face. He couldn't stand when she had that expression, the one that shut him out completely. Even her yelling at him was better than that complete distant behaviour.

"Whatever," she mumbled with a light shrug without looking at him. She tugged a lock of hair behind her ear, licked her lips as she glanced away.

"Opie told me about Peter," Jax added, just tried to somehow get her communicate with him again. He hated fights with her but hated her silence even more. The calm was more threatening than the storm. "He's an idiot." He didn't just say that to make her feel better. What kind of crazy ass man would abandone a woman like Jo? Your kind of man, he thought for a moment but shooed the thought away. It was different with him. Jo and he have been friends since the day she'd been born.

"Maybe he's right." Jo shrugged again and lit yet another cigarette. "I can't tell him about the club and he knows I keep things away from him. He's got every right to question me." Jax listened to her and swallowed hard. Opie was right. She was risking everything she's been working for in the last decade for the club and he was giving her a hard time as well. "But he wouldn't understand any of this. For him what's right is right, what's wrong is wrong, no middle way. And we all know you're in the gray zone, and worse."

The weight of her words pressed down on him. The loyalty she had for the club was unbelievable. Jax didn't know anybody else, except Gemma of course, who was as faithful to the club as Jo. He also knew it wasn't only because she felt like she owed them. No, Jo loved the club as much as he loved it and she was willing to make sacrifices, take risks for them.

"You know, I admire that in you." He dropped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her close to his side. She stiffened under his touch first but a couple of moments and she relaxed against him.

"What?" Jo asked as she looked up at him, her teeth chewing on her bottomlip.

"Your loyalty," he replied and patted a kiss on the top of her head. "That you jumped back on the screwed up wagon without hesitation."

"I didn't," Jo protested as she pulled away from him and stood up, dusted her jeans with a determined expression on her face. "This is not permanent," she stated with a hard tone before she swirled around and walked back into the house. Jax swallowed hard, clenched and unclenched his fingers to release some of the tension left by her biting words. He knew she didn't plan to stay forever but hearing it repeatedly stung. The thought that she'd soon be gone to marry that blue blooded lawyer of hers made his blood run cold but there was nothing he could do, no matter how much he hated the situation, he was going to lose her again.


End file.
